A Must-Read for Non-Monogamous Men
What a wonderful article!
This is where the “friends with benefit” dudes generally fuck up. Yeah, sex is an on-or-off-the-table negotiable with my friends, but if you’re only my friend because you want to fuck me, well, you’re not really my friend.
Exactly. One of the traps of non-monogamy is when people think they can just do whatever the fuck they want and justify their actions with “hey, but you agreed to this!”. For a healthy non-monogamous relationship to work, you have to care about your partner, maybe not see other people for a while when your relationship needs work and things like that. Your partner should feel secure and loved.
Not everyone is as down with casually loving this way, and that makes sense.
I love the term “casually loving”! I’m also like that, and I generally don’t believe that people are good at separating sex from emotions.
I think many men get around this by not emotionally investing in their sexual partners, and I’m not really interested in being with those men. I also don’t think this is a “natural” state for men. I think this is a manifestation of the long standing emotional repression of men in our society.
This is so true! During the past few years I’ve been practicing vulnerability and I must say that it’s very liberating to openly talk about my insecurities.
Several years ago my (mostly male) coworkers and I were ordering lunch. When I ordered a veggie burger, they asked me “why? are you a vegetarian?” Then I realized that I wasn’t socially allowed to order vegetarian food without explaining myself. If that was a problem, imagine how talking about our feelings would go. This is not interesting for me, because I don’t find that kind of behavior genuine.
I think this is why 95% of my friends are female, I find women to be generally more open and honest about their feelings. I feel much more at home in their company.