How to criticize someone or raise objections, Using Rapoport’s Laws
How do you make people receptive when criticizing or disagreeing?
Here’s a technique known as the Rapoport Rule that, despite its unique name, is extremely practical. Once mastered, you can easily guide others to listen to your insights. Raboport’s Law is divided into four steps:
- Restate the other person’s point of view.
- Emphasize the parts you agree with.
- Express the insights or takeaways you have gained from these identifications.
- Present your point of view or objections and give good reasons for them.
For example, suppose a child cries for a hug outside a supermarket. If the mother refuses outright, the child may cry even more. But if she applies Rabobot’s Law, she can express it this way:
- Understand your child: “You want your mommy to hold you, don’t you?”
- Recognize Feelings: “Honey, you may be a little tired from your walk.”
- Share the Learning: “We did have a long walk and are tired and need to rest.”
- Gently object: “But Mommy is tired too, and with something in her hand, she can’t hold you for a while. Just hold on a little longer and we’ll be home.”
Another example is that a beauty editor, Mei, creates a poster for a product, but the manager criticizes it outright. If Rabobot’s Law is used, the manager can:
- Acknowledging Mei’s efforts: “Your poster was designed with care and the typography is aesthetically pleasing.”
- Express what was learned: “The color scheme highlights the high-end feel of the product.”
- Suggest improvements: “Maybe we could try enlarging the font and company logo to make the information more readable.”
In this way, criticism is no longer an attack, but constructive feedback. Rabobot’s Law is very practical in work and life.
Try it the next time you face a similar situation and you’ll see a very different effect.
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