Mental Health Pt2: Managing your head whilst being Self-Employed
This is the thing for people to read who work for themselves and struggle. Also, although it definitely has an audience that will understand more, business aside it is the old life adage of, how do you keep it all together when things feel like they are falling apart?
I am speaking from experience by the way.
This is getting scribed the near the end of a really trying (translation: shitty) day, and to be honest, start of 2020. Pitches haven’t quite come in as quickly as my perfectionist head would like, some work has dropped off, I have prospected new clients and partners, sometimes getting it wrong, and I oft beat myself up when it does.
Everything is raw and at a head, what a better time to write and put it out there? By the time I finalise this write-up though, I have been to the gym for 30 mins on the treadmill and rower, just to have a bit of painful cardio (which is one of the few things that work well), so the edge has been taken off, so I can articulate a little clearer.
I find it totally bonkers how we do this. Masochism. Suckers for punishment are entrepreneurs. We have to embrace the unknown, take risks. I have always done this/liked the idea, but there’s days when you think, ‘NO, I can’t anymore’. Where is the stability and utopia that seems to exist in other’s lives? And especially in the shop window of social media and LinkedIn where seemingly successful people laud other successful people for successful looking things, feeding the success hamster wheel, one which at times feels removed form your reality as you lie down with your laptop on stomach, chin on chest and the Biscuits on the arm of the chair..
Just read a great book called The Unfair Advantage. An entrepreneur’s porno basically. A really great read, primarily about how you can use personal circumstances good or bad to your unique business benefit. Nice ideology and gives you pause. One thing it said though, in a roundabout way and repeatedly, (which kind of irked me and honestly still does), is it is probably not best to run a business/be entrepreneurial if you suffer from mental health challenges/anxieties/disorders/neuroticism etc (if you don’t know, I had a mental health breakdown nearly 2 years ago and been on a journey you can read about here). My first thought was one of non acceptance, but actually they’re on to something. Or can I defy this widely accepted principle?
WHAT AM I DOING?
You are good at what you do. I am good at what I do. This ain’t pitching myself (as you can tell thus far) but jeez I have to remind myself that I have some awesome experiences, leading performance & digital marketing accounts and working on campaigns for some huge brands in UK and globally, travelled the world and worked with the best and smartest people in the industry, supporting some great talent along the way I like to think. Al the stuff commercially successful people salivate over. However I have/had/have/had/have again self belief, so I set up my business to do things my way and honestly — as a mental health balancer, to do things that I wanted to do, with clients I wanted to, in the time-frames I wanted to. Of course, the world does not care about yours or my plans.
JOURNALLING HELPS — TRY IT
I think businesses, and my typical work of performance marketing is obsessed with outputs, though we seldom consider inputs, and need to be kinder to ourselves for the hard work we put in. Nipping to TKMaxx for a Moleskine was the start of the process. The combination of a nice notebook and a busy head has been a guiding tool for me. Each night, I do 2 things. I write my to-do list for next day (like most of you do I’m sure). Also I have started to each night after a trying day (and let’s be honest, this is most days) I start with a negative/big challenge of the day e.g. I f*cked a pitch/call up and have been replaying it in my head all day, and spent way too much on travel/food last month BUT I then get down to the positives. If I had do a page since going self employed it’d be something like follows:
MAY 2019-MAR 20
has been a tough few months of erratic business, personal mental health challenges etc .. but there have been Business and Personal successes:BUSINESS
-I am in my 11th month of trading,
-have had consultancy work,
-retained, project and commission revenue
-worked in a variety of client sectors,
-have 30+ partners I have built and fostered relationships with who I can work with remotely
-written for a couple of industry publications, and been on a couple of podcasts
-moved into an awesome co-working space with other people who keep me sane and stopping me swimming in my own goldfish bowl that is my house.
-my website is going live soon
-MOST IMPORTANTLY I am still alive, I am paying my bills, and in the main love what I do, so that is good.PERSONAL
-I have an awesome family, and 6 month old Nephew who is so awesome and I see now and then.
-I left London (a whole separate post in itself) and being close to family has definitely helped. Appreciate more when I do return
-Have a car now so I can drive into the countryside for fresh air and walks.
-I have some good friends, some who have really been there for me, and learnt to ensure I spend time who give me a return on energy
-I am on new antidepressants and I have been healthier since
-Financially, less pressure on my business, and been able to do a self audit, reduce outgoings, pay into a Lifetime ISA, sort pensions out, switch bank accounts/utilities/ transfer balances. Call me Martin Lewis. Or at the least, a functioning 36-year-old adult.
For the record I had to dig deep for these positives, as there is a shed load that hasn’t been. But point is, I have trained myself to do this, and is worth doing. Being a single, working on my own and living on my own person has its challenges. I spend a lot of time on my own. But I do like being on my own, Sometimes though, when things are tough you need to foil it. I try to be around people daily (current self isolation priorities aside), albeit on the phone, in coffee shops, co-working spaces or just with friends and family, eating food and relaxing/chatting.
SELF CARE NOT ISOLATE
Recently read an article about the steps to take for mental health as entrepreneur (think source was Forbes) and it touched on all the greatest hits (Exercise, Nutrition, get to bed early, Learn to Unwind, don;t work too long into night, set boundaries etc etc, stuff which could apply to anyone but is extra pertinent to us self-employeds). Trouble is, I kind of know them and half-heartedly apply them to my life already, with mixed results. Good to be aware of the faculties of balance at least. One thing which is news to me however, which I totally forgot about was ‘HAVE A HOBBY’ — what the hell is one of those? I have been totally terrible at switching off. I’ve never been short of an answer, but I’ve honestly been stumped in recent months when people ask me’ How do you spend your spare time?’ Err, does tidying up Gmail and Excel count? Seriously though, it is so important to switch off. I struggle with this. I find the cinema and a bit of food with friends and family is one of the few things where I switch off. Also reading fiction. Been such a non-fiction junkie for years, and considered fiction a ‘waste of time’ but trying to immerse myself in meaningful fiction takes me elsewhere. Physically, I used to play tennis and football more. Been lazy the last few years. Injuries aside, I am sorting it out. I want o play 5-a-side again, maybe do some kayaking. Stuff that has sod all to do with the day-to-day.
THIS IS NOT ADVICE — MORE SELF JOURNALLING, AS I DON’T KNOW HOW SUCCESSFUL MY SELF EMPLOYMENT WILL BE
What I am sharing on here what I could easily write and keep in my A5 bedside notebook, but sharing to hold myself accountable and hopefully help someone else realise that they are not alone. This is not my 1st business, It is my 3rd. First one was sporadic data and lead generation trading, 2nd meant well and I learnt to outsource and automate (Tim Ferriss inspired), but wasn’t adding much client value outside of arbitrage. It may be 3rd time lucky? Utilising experience to offer consultancy, strategy and planning for marketing. It may well not be 3rd time lucky, and of course startup odds are well and truly against me. I just don’t know. I trust the process. I work hard I network, I try to create own luck and when get an opportunity, aim to do my best work. I have been telling myself I HAVE to make this work. Am I a failure if I don’t? It is scary but I am doing my best, working my hardest, but I have to be kind to myself too. If it does not work out, I can call it knowing I did my best, and accept some things are not meant to be, and are no way a reflection of my skills and hard work! That is all I can do. That is all we can do!
So yes, my piece is done. As I press Publish, I am fully aware of irony of it being about 8pm on a Monday night, well past my planned ‘shutdown’; time. But checks and balances, I feel better writing and sharing this, and I am co-working tomorrow morning with a friend before another day of networking and selling the dream.
OK — off to attempt to get into a fiction book that has nothing to do with marketing. Goodnight!
SA