Is It Ever Okay To Play Mind Games In A Relationship?

Simone Torn
5 min readFeb 3, 2019


In the words of Freddie Mercury, “Everybody play the game of love”. This makes us wonder… is love really just one big game? Is every kiss, every date, every flirtatious text just another clever move on the chess board? Are the majority of our actions in a romantic relationship done out of sincerity or proficiency in order to keep our significant other interested?

Many people, both single and in relationships, claim to desire the former. Most of us believe that a romantic relationship is no place for games and to consider playing them is not only juvenile, but it is just plain manipulative. Why participate in game moves such as “playing hard to get” when all you want to do is be with your special someone? Why not just be honest with yourself and your partner by communicating with them whenever you desire while expressing your love and adoration for them as authentically and intensely as you wish?

I will start off by saying the key to any relationship is honesty. This is a given. If you can’t be your true authentic self with your partner then how will you know if they love the real you or the game player version of yourself? This is why you should never “play” hard to get in a relationship.

Instead, you should just be hard to get.

I know, I said no games right? Let me explain myself. I think it’s important to never manipulate your partner with mind games. Playing hard to get is one of the biggest mind games of all. You’re ignoring your partner or giving them less love than you have to give, in order for them to desire you more. It isn’t fair to purposefully pull away in order to drive your partner crazy. It is important though to make sure you have a fulfilled and independent life that doesn’t rely on a romantic partner to keep yourself satisfied.

Being independent in a relationship is one of the most essential ingredients to sustaining it. Mystery is the driving force of seduction and interest. If you are constantly calling, texting, and clinging to your S.O, how can you expect them to find you mysterious? How can you expect your partner to miss you if you’re never away from them?

You might be thinking to yourself, screw being mysterious. I can text my partner/call them whenever I want to. This is 2019 after all, which must mean women should be allowed to pursue men just as much as men can pursue women. Of course, this is true, and you have every right to consistently pursue your man.

But it doesn’t necessarily mean you should.

The fact of the matter is, men love a woman who is a challenge. A woman who is a challenge is someone who doesn’t need a man to give them all the love and affection in the world 24/7.

A woman who is a challenge is fiercely confident in herself and self-sufficient enough to refrain from spamming his phone nightly with little love notes about how cute his ears are or how you saw a bushel of asparagus at the supermarket that reminded you of the color of his eyes.

A woman who is hard to get does not constantly ask her man where he is at all hours of the day or who he’s with, etc., because she has much more important things to do than sit around and wonder about her partner.

In the same way that we desire a man who has confidence and a colorful life of his own, the men we date are seeking the exact same thing in a woman. A woman who considers her man a bonus in her life rather than her one true source of happiness and fulfillment.

So how do you be hard to get without pretending for the sake of your partner’s increased interest?

It’s simple. All you have to do is put yourself first.

You must love yourself and take care of your well-being before even thinking about doing the same for your lover. After all, how can you truly love your partner if you don’t love yourself? If you put yourself first, no matter how unnatural it may seem, you will be seen in his eyes (and more importantly your own eyes) as a woman of high value.

In conclusion, if you put yourself first in your relationship, there won’t be any need to play games. You don’t even have time to “play hard to get” because you are so busy simply being hard to get. You are fulfilled in your life, in your career, in your goals and ambitions, and no one can slow down that process. Not even the love of your life.