I am in a Funk
Stella J. McKenna
15122

I think you are probably right to avoid medication at all cost. The funk, from my point of view, is not a condition, it’s a trait of personnality. So it shouldn’t be fighted against.

It’s part of mine. It’s getting easier with time, I guess at the condition to embrace it fully, to point the point of enjoying the funk — as a monk would enjoy a two-days meditation in the loneliness at the top of a lonely moutain.

Dive in, embrace it, and then, when the time comes, you will use one of the exit door : a good meal, nicely cooked, some exercice or a coffee with a friend, and life suddenly appears bright and colorfull again. Much brighter, really, that it was before.

Now when I feel the funk is coming, I’m thinking “Good, some time coming devoted and consumed by myself to myself. Some time to think, evaluate and take harsh decisions. Some time for being heavy and accurate. Some time to not socialize, as none could understand. I’m heading for that silent horizon which is my deeper mass gravity.” I don’t care what people think happiness is. Sometimes, I find comfort in sadness, act in loneliness like a death rehearsal.

I’m thinking about a citation from Nicolas Bouvier, that I roughly translate : “Nothing is granted forever. Like a water, the world come through you and for some time give you its colors. Then it goes away, and let you facing this void we carry in ourselves, this kind of insufficiency in the center of the soul we have to learn carrying, fighting, and paradoxaly, could be our most efficient engine”.

Happy new year :)

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