The Psychology of Talking Behind Someone’s Back: Understanding the Motivations and Effects
In this society, interpersonal relationships are very important. We talk to people every day, we need to socialize with others every day. In the process of socializing with others, it’s inevitable that we make judgments about other people. However, if these judgments are consistently negative and not openly expressed to the person being judged, we call this behavior “talking behind someone’s back.”
The act of speaking ill of others behind their back can be due to many reasons, for example feeling angry, jealous, or gossip, etc.
While such behavior is not appreciated by others, some people find joy in it, thinking that these comments can resonate with others, even if they have close relationships with the people they criticize.
So, what kind of psychological phenomena are hidden behind this behavior? From a psychological perspective, talking negatively about someone behind their back is for individuals to break free from passive positions in their relationships. Many individuals resort to talking negatively about others behind their backs because they find themselves in disadvantaged positions, making direct confrontation with the other party seem daunting. This imbalance can leave them with suppressed emotions and anxiety, which they seek to release through covertly expressing their opinions about the person in question.
Additionally, many people use the tactic of speaking ill of someone behind their back to resolve conflicts and build trust. There’s a saying that “the enemy of my enemy is my friend,” and when two people have an average or poor relationship, they easily build trust when a common object of dislike appears. In psychology, this phenomenon is known as “evil sharing,” which refers to the fact that sharing negative information about a person or thing in interpersonal interactions can create more favorable feelings than sharing positive information. As a result, many people use speaking ill of someone behind their back as a means of psychological control.
How to deal with it:
The first step is to remain composed. Reacting emotionally or confrontationally can often escalate the situation and lead to more gossip. Sometimes, the best response is no response. If the gossip is coming from individuals with no direct impact on your life, it might be best to let it go. Focus on nurturing relationships with people who uplift and support you. Positivity and trust go a long way in countering the effects of negative talk.
For a very high emotional intelligence (EQ) person, If you hear someone talking behind your back, it’s worth approaching the person directly and calmly to understand their perspective. Sometimes, there might be a misunderstanding, and open communication can resolve it. Let them know that you expect mutual respect and trust in your interactions.
Lastly, in some cases, some may employ similar tactics to spread negative information in the other person’s social circles, countering the harm they’ve caused.
While gossiping about others behind their backs can be an advanced social skill, for most people, the drawbacks far outweigh the benefits. In everyday life, people who habitually speak ill of others often end up isolated and transition from being the aggressor to the victim.
It’s important to understand the advantages of this behavior not to exploit it for selfish purposes but to analyze the underlying psychological factors, protect yourself, and identify the people around you.
If you want others to respect you, you must first respect them. Treating each other with honesty and mutual understanding is the fundamental way to resolve conflicts.
We often say, “What goes around comes around.” Dealing with people who like to gossip behind your back is best handled by keeping a distance and showing respect.
That’s all for today, thank you for reading.
