When I see you.

It’s a mixture of sweetness and bitterness.

Sweetness because it’s you. Just you alone brightens up my life. Just you alone brings happiness into my soul. Because it’s you that I feel alive and I look forward to the next time I see you.

But.

Bitterness also because I know. That I don’t have you. Bitterness because I know, that in the end I may not mean as much to you as you to me. Bitterness because it hurts, wondering about the unknown. Bitterness because I’m hurting from thinking too much.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Do I take in only the good? Ignore the bitterness? Or do I listen to the bitterness and slowly walk away.

You made me feel again. Something that I haven’t felt in a while; bittersweet love. It’s eating me away, this one sided affection. It’s chewing through me.

I teared. Because I hurt. But despite the tears, I don’t want to give up.

This.

Self-torture.

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