August 16, 2017 at 12:43 AM

Emo Shimizu
Aug 26, 2017 · 2 min read

It’s too late to call you but I wanted to talk to you,

I need your opinion on something,

You’re the one I trust to be strait up.

You don’t tell me what I need, you just tell me what you think.

So now I wonder what you would tell me,

If I told you what was happening…

You remember that guy… the one I always talked about?

We’ve been friends since we were teens.

You know, I always knew I liked him, even before I knew he knew of me.

It was similar to you.. I just knew…

I always knew he wanted to keep a friendship steady,

Don’t wanna do anything to heavy,

And he knew how I was feeling.

We were only 17…

We’ve always been able to stay capable,

Of being barely connected,

And I was always capable of barely restraining expressing the feelings exploding inside of me.

I told him once again, I was barely 20, and he confirmed nothing had changed.

I cried that day..I didn’t fully understand why…

I just thought It had felt right…

I wasn’t right.

A quarter through my life, we met again… I had no intention of doing anything last night…

We were friends and that was finally fine.

I was finally fine…

There were a few compliments, that seemed a little more than friendly, some of them from me,

That feeling I stuff down, everytime I see him,

Woke from it’s steady sleep.

Then he kissed me on the cheek…

My brain went hurricane,

I knew me and knew what would happen,

I knew better but I was fucked up.

Maybe thats why I got fucked up…

We’re both lonely

I wanted to kiss him,

Told myself everything I knew I was risking.

I tried anyway.. he didn’t go with it..

Wait that’s not the bad part…

That would be fine with me,

I was being silly.

He told me to do it again.

That was the beginning of the end.

my feeling’s slumber came to an end

I let them be…

The next day he said he wasn’t dating anybody..so it’s not me…

And I freaked. I knew last night that this would be happening… stupid me…

I didn’t speak

Until he got it out of me,

And I cried,

The things he said were just complicating

I said I wouldn’t do it this time,

He’s not getting it, I’m over my anger at him, now I’m just angry with me…

so now see…

This is the problem I’m having…

He claims supposed feelings made it not nothing,

I never said nor believed it was nothing,

That’s part of why its so upsetting…

Knowledge came, and gave me power,

But with power comes responsibility…

I hate having decisions to make..

So tell me… what do you think…?

)
Emo Shimizu

Written by

25/F/Canadian. 親日. Consumed by my addictions.