While crossing the roads of life we never look over those tiny little pieces beneath our eyelids. We miss those moments that should matter the most to us; the thought, that random text, phone call, those indiscriminate smiles, those eyes full of tears, those tears full of blurred dreams, those dreams with sharp edges. And those sharp edges pinch our soul, we bleed, not blood but tears. For tears appear thicker than blood, gloomier than darkness, quieter than silence, loudest when seen and felt and almost non-existing for the rest of the world. But we know the route from where it starts, the route that has been there since ages, the route which starts from a mild heartache and causes the blockage of psyche and turns every emotion into tears because that’s the most tangible and effective tool heart knows.
I regret nothing more than those mere tears; I don’t find meaning in it now. It makes me weak, as tangible as itself. I never wanted to be weak, never wanted to be tangible. I believed, always, that I am a strong person. But some of those years back then, compel me to question my own self. I do not understand where I went wrong. The conjectures of that may lie deep down the assets of my own remarks that allowed me to become something else that I never was. I changed myself for a lot of people, I have done mistakes that I should not have, I have been a jerk to my own self and may be to others who loved me way more that I deserve. But meanwhile, I missed the most important thing. I resisted the fact that I am lying to my own self, about my identity, self, my inner conscience. Now when I look back I really give it a thought, was that worth lurking, for those people and things? The answer is obviously NO. But the honest and relieving part is, those wounds and scars taught me a lot, may be not professionally but personally. I grew up as a person. I found some really trustworthy people after that, I hope so. But there would always be a part of me that would like to go back and un-travel those roads. And this time I would love to take the “road less traveled by”, because it would make all the difference.
AN OPTIMIST NOW.