Dates — so many options, so little people.
Well the weather is finally looking up everyone. Obviously, I’m still at a Starbucks, but I’m sitting on the patio! This translucent vampire needs her Vitamin D for the week! So today’s topic is about dates. I thought this would be a good thing to talk about since the weather is nice and people are actually leaving their houses now.
So dates. There’s a plethora of options really, but do we take advantage of that? I’m gonna talk about a handful of different ones and give my opinion since that’s what I do in every post because I am important.
The first topic is the ever popular: Drinks! It is the 2 eggs, bacon, home fries and toast option of dates. It’s one size fits most at Brandy Melville. Which in my opinion is super fucked up, if one size fits all Ms. Melville then why don’t your loose cardigans even fit me? Riddle me that! Anyways, I think that drinks is a comfortable option for everyone because of first date nerves. Having a few casual beverages opens you up a little bit and helps you relax. But what happens when you have a few too many beverages? Where you’re teetering on the line of a case of the giggles and straight out slurring. I’m gonna say if you stay on the more tipsy end of the scale you’re safe. I can toss em’ back like nobody’s business really. I can have a few double whiskey and cokes and be just as fun as the rest of them. But for other people they have a lower limit. So my question for you guys is where do you stop? And how do you not give the message that you want to leave? It’s my understanding that not ordering more drinks is the universal sign for get me the eff out of here, but what if you truly don’t want to? Do you order a water instead? Just something to ask for so that it doesn’t look like he should be getting the bill even though you don’t pay for water. The other option is nursing a drink for a while. Just elongate one beverage into the time it would take to drink two. But then your drink might be gross. I know I hate watered down whiskey and cokes. That’s where I bite the bullet and chug that tiny bastard and move onto the next one. Also, nobody likes warm beer. I don’t drink wine, unless it’s drowning in vodka and fruit juice so I’m unsure on the time out period of a glass of wine. At the same time though, does that give off a vibe that you’re bored or the opposite, that you’re having such a good time that you forgot about it all together. You look over and you’re like “Oh gosh, my drink! I totally forgot about it! We should get married or at least become common law and buy property together.” Those are some of my thoughts on drinks. I mean clearly I analyze everything to the point of exhaustion, but I am a woman in the 21st century after all. History has taught us to be that way and we’re not stopping any time soon.
Now, a good option for me and something that I would still like to cross off my dating bucket list is going to see live music. I think this is a great combo for a date because you don’t have to speak to each other the entire time and live music is dope. Also, you would have to sit relatively close together because you wouldn’t be able to hear each other otherwise. Oh look at me being sly. It hasn’t and doesn’t happen in person just FYI. I am the least smooth of all the individuals. Going to see a show or open mic is a great option because you can also still have drinks and not have to worry about constantly ordering new ones because you’re paying attention to the show. You can also find out if this person is a normal individual who actually enjoys live music because what kind of crazy person doesn’t like live music. Weirdos, that’s who. Also, choosing to go to a show that has mild intermissions between it would be a good option as well. It gives you a chance to have real conversation in between and a chance to get up and order another round without worry about that awkward moment with a waiter where you’re like “another round?” And he pauses and you think he hates you. Any kind of acoustic show is a great option too. It’s not as loud and gives a more chill vibe. Right now my gal pal Momma Boo and I have been going to The Painted Lady on Ossington a lot. They have open mic on Monday nights and it’s amazing. It has a great inclusive atmosphere and it’s the kind of place where you can go with friends, on your own or even on a date. That would be my recommendation for all of you young lovers out there. Go somewhere chill, that’s comfortable and makes you look really cool. Obviously, it’s also mildly hipster and that’s why I love it because I eat that shit up with a shovel. Give me a dude who has a beard and plays guitar and I’m there.
Next topic: Day Dates. These give me a lot of anxiety. What is an acceptable time limit for a day date? I mean the day is much longer than the evening and it’s not like you can leave because you need to have a nap. Plus there’s so many possibilities. How many options is too many? I mean there’s parks, patios, going on a “walk” which to me is a cop out, everyone walks like what the fuck are we doing? Where are we going? Are we just mindlessly walking around? Will we eventually be going to a Starbucks? There’s just too many questions. Also, how can you be sure that your day date is an actual date. Can it morph into just “hanging out?” Plus, can there still be a “cute and romantic” level to a day date? Does that even still exist? To me, I think patios and parks are the best and only options. With a patio, you can still get drinks and be casual. You can enjoy it at any time, whether it’s during the day or at night. Plus there is a relative time limit. If it’s going well, you can move onto bigger and better things and if it’s bad, you can get the fuck out of there and never look back. Plus, patios means sangria and you can get a pitcher of that shit. Stick a straw in it and I am there. Parks are also a great idea because there is a cuteness level to a park. Also you can people watch, which is one of my favourite things to do. If the conversation lags you can simply people watch and point out all the crazy people. I also really enjoy making up the lives of complete strangers. Like right now there is a guy reading a textbook beside me and I’m choosing to believe that he’s studying for the bar exam because his parents made him become a lawyer, when really all he wants to do is create his own custom line of sneakers with no laces. He wants true baller status, can’t he have that? Parks also give you the opportunity for real conversation without expectations. You can also bring snacks and it’s acceptable, even kind of adorable. Bringing snacks to a date has got to get you a second date, if not a tenth.
Alright, so we’ve covered some pretty solid options. Now we’re gonna talk about one of the grossest words in the english language. Here it is…romance. Ugh gross. Now my take on romantic dates is a little more subjective since I feel like everyone experiences romance differently. But my questions mostly focus on the concept of romance. Do we still think this exists? And if it still does, how has it changed? Does the concept of romance just make us kind of uncomfortable now? I’d like to believe that romance still exists. I know that I was desperate for it in my last relationship. But what makes something “romantic?” To me, romance is the little things mixed with old school things. A good example of this is buying flowers. Yeah, it’s kind of lame and they die, but it’s the thought that counts and the action that follows it. Another thing that I enjoy is going on a date that’s pre-planned. Personally, I am a planner so I appreciate when someone takes the reigns for an evening. Obviously, what I find romantic isn’t necessarily what everyone finds romantic and I considered this when coming up with this post. So what I want to know is can we still truly appreciate romance? We’re so afraid of rejection and we’ve all become so cynical that romance has almost lost its meaning. Romance has now become someone just being genuine and thoughtful. When did this happen? When did we decide that someone being thoughtful means they’re romantic? Shouldn’t we just expect that? Shouldn’t we expect that someone we’re on a date with should automatically be a thoughtful and genuine person? I mean, nobody goes out looking for someone who isn’t thoughtful… But at the same time, we’ve all become so wary of people’s intentions that romance can be construed as manipulation. Is he taking me to this nice restaurant so that I have to sleep with him? Because he bought me a lobster? Did he buy me flowers because he’s just a nice guy or he’s about to apologize for something? I think this is so sad! We can no longer trust people to just be nice! When did this happen? I think the world of tinder and online dating has affected this. I think we start off questioning someone’s motives and then it just spirals from there. I truly wish I could find someone who is just genuinely themselves and does nice things every once in a while. The fact that someone like that is hard to find is the most fucked up thing about dating.
I feel like we also have to cover the phenomena that is “Netflix and Chill.” I was toying with the idea of talking about this for a little bit, but I felt like I had to. I saw this meme the other day that kind of inspired me (see below).
My question is when did this become the expectation? When did we go from enjoying films and snack with each other to putting on a tv show and never watching it? I’m the kind of person where if I want to Netflix and Chill it’s gonna be literal. I’m going to bring snacks and expect a solid movie or tv choice. I don’t need a lame ass phrase to hookup with you dude. I also wonder, is the expectation equal for guys and girls? Can a girl truly ask to just hangout? I think this is definitely a grey area now, unfortunately. Don’t get me wrong there are probably some ladies out there who use the Netflix and Chill strategy on the regular, but I also think that this topic surrounds guys more often. When a guy invites you over to hangout you automatically assume that he means hookup because that is what history and university has taught us. So if we’re making that assumption are they doing the same thing when we invite them over? Is it ever seen as something innocent? I know that I’ve been in situations where this hasn’t worked in both cases. I’ve used it as an excuse to hookup with someone only to have it misread and I’ve also had someone come over and not even bring snacks, which to me is rude. So my advice here would be to pay attention to context. That’s really the only way you’ll know because if you assume one or the other there’s the possibility of disappointment.
So here we are, so much information. So much to process! But ultimately go on dates that you think will be a good date and that you find mildly comfortable. Don’t make dating a routine. Keep it fresh because that’s how things stay interesting and light. Nothing feels worse then doing the same thing every time and having nothing work. You can only go for drinks with a handful of people before it starts to feel shitty. Use these dates as an excuse to try something new. Do something that you’ve never done before! Because ultimately, at the end of the day dating should be one thing: fun. Think of your dating life as a low budget version of the Bachelor/Bachelorette. You may not be able to go on a helicopter ride over the ocean, but you can have a dinner that no one eats and an unknown singer/band serenade you at a seemingly made up concert. Okay, maybe not but those are my favourite kind of Bachelor dates. Where they go to this concert that’s in a random barn and the band that’s playing no one has ever heard of before… It’s weird dudes. And also so fucking hilarious and cringe worthy. Happy dating people!
But seriously, go to the Painted Lady on Mondays because it’s dope and I will most likely be sitting there with glazed over whiskey eyes and let me tell you, I’m a riot.