Hello everyone! I’m coming to you live from (shockingly) the Starbucks patio! Today we’re discussing the concept of hookups vs. relationships and whether or not Tinder is still considered the “hookup app” that it used to be. Has it matured with the rest of us? Or are we still believing the lie? And as we grow out of the university era and become full fledged adults with responsibilities, does our definition of a hookup change? So much to discuss! Let’s begin.
Okay so is Tinder still considered a hookup app? I mean one of my best friends is marrying a guy she met on tinder and a lot of my clients tell me they met their significant other on tinder as well, but are they the exception and we’re the rule? Yes, I stole that from He’s Just Not That Into You, which I genuinely believe is an education. Anyways, it’s so hard to tell! I mean you have the people who come right out and say “hookups only” which is super attractive…eye roll emoji. Then there are the other 2% who actually say they’re looking for something serious. However, this is normally accompanied by “I like strong women who aren’t afraid of a challenge in and out of the bedroom ;)” They also don’t use real emojis. So it literally says “;)”. There’s something even creepier about that. Then the other 97% don’t say anything at all. I am within that group because I’m not looking for one or the other. Sure, I’m interested in finding someone to eat food with, hang out and use their netflix password, but I’m not desperately seeking it either. I’m still using someone else’s netflix so when that isn’t a thing anymore, that will be the sign that I need to find a mans. Until then, I’m running around doing whatever I want. Yasss queen! Get it!
But as an adult what do we consider a hookup? In university it was much easier to define a “hookup”. The guy would come over to your place/dorm and you’d sleep together and he’d leave. You may have met this guy at a bar or in class or at a party. Overall, a physical transaction is made probably without a financial transaction. As a non student, hookups are very different. Do we consider hookups just talking to someone on tinder for a couple hours, having them come over and get busy and leave? Or is a hookup going on one date which eventually ends in knocking boots and then having a weird sleepover and never speaking to each other again? I think that if there is a date, it’s not a hook up. I have had a couple weird sleepovers lately and they’re fun! I enjoy myself on the date and then I never see them again! Goodbye anxiety!
So as we are casually swiping away should we assume that the 97% are looking for a relationship if something were to happen? If they enjoy my dad jokes and catchphrases should I entertain the thought that they may want to get down on one knee and spend their life with me because I am hilarious? But you know what they say about assuming… it’s bad new bears. I assumed that I was gonna get wifed up, but here we are. So is it weird to come right out and ask what they’re looking for? Does that start things off in a weird way? Like, “hi, how’s it going? ARE YOU LOOKING FOR COMMITMENT?” Where do you go from there?
I would like to talk more about the one off date aka going out with someone, having an adult sleepover and then going your separate ways. I don’t think anyone is unaware of my issues and anxieties with dating. I’m having a lot of trouble with being affectionate and letting my walls down. I think this “casual dating” thing is actually really helping me. I’ve been talking to people and then immediately planning and going on dates. I don’t stress sweat as much anymore. I don’t feel like I’m going to yak as much, only a little now. I think that these one off dates have really helped because there’s no pressure, no expectation. I’m not expecting this person to be important because I don’t really know anything about them. If we click in person then great, if not see you later pal! On to the next bachelor. It’s almost like a practice run for me and I like that and think I need that. I need to go into the situation without pressure and get used to the feeling of being out with someone. Look at me! I’m growing up emotionally! The walls are starting to maybe come down brick by brick. No promises though.
So where do we stand? I think that regardless of hookups or committed monogamous relationships we should all go after what we’re looking for. If you want to hookup and thats it, get it girl! I believe in you! From one independent, sex positive female to another. If you’re looking to settle down and find your person then by all means do that too! I think that we all have our own path and we all do things a little differently, but make sure you’re doing it for you. Don’t do things just because you think people expect it of you. If you want to casually date and not connect yourself to anyone then do it! Just because you’re not bringing a boy to thanksgiving this year, doesn’t mean you’re not a badass bitch.
Bless all of you! Cheers
Until next time…