A Letter to the Guy Who Wants to Date a Single Mom
I think it’s wonderful that people want to date single moms despite their inexperience with children and lack of knowing what it entails. In my experience, they really don’t know what lies ahead of them. How could they right?
Dating is hard as it is, but when you throw kids in the mix…things get even more tricky…
I write this letter to inform those kind-hearted men who accept the challenge of dating a single mom for 2 reasons. #1 — to let them know what they are in for and #2 — so that if all this sounds like a nightmare, you don’t waste some lovely single mom’s time and more importantly, don’t get her hopes up that you are going to stick around and settle in. So here goes…
Dear Guy Without Children,
Thank you for your interest in dating a single mother. I wanted to inform you of a few things to expect/look out for as you get to know your single mom wonderful woman lady friend. Listed realities are as follows:
- Plans always need to be scheduled and most likely, at least a few days in advance. Sorry if that’s annoying, but single mamas can’t just go out randomly on a whim. They obviously have to figure out who can babysit and figure out finances for that as well.
- Speaking of plans, there’s also a chance of them being canceled last minute. If their child suddenly falls ill, then these lovely ladies will have to cancel. Finding a sitter, when their kid is sick will not be happening because you know, as a mom, they will want to stay home and care for them. Also, in general, please be aware, that when dealing with kids, sudden schedule changes come up extremely often. If you are not willing to adapt to change gracefully…please rethink what you are doing in this situation…
- If you don’t love kids or aren’t sure that you want them in your life plan…then “trying” to date a single mom is not the best idea either. The kids will absolutely be around and will be in your life, so if you aren’t happy about that idea, but love the mom you date, don’t bother. It will not work.
- Very important note — a single mom’s time is extremely valuable. If she takes time to find and schedule a sitter as well as set aside $$ for that sitter, all to hang out with you, you must appreciate that. It’s not like dating a woman without children who can just pick up on a whim and meet up with you if she so chooses. Single moms have to move mountains, and if they are willing to do that for YOU, please recognize and appreciate that.
- If you are the type of person who (a) may want to quit your job and travel the world suddenly, (b) does not want to commit or take life seriously, © folds under pressure or (d) feels that having a life plan is a drag …this relationship is not for you. Single moms have a very serious, real life. They have to take care of their kids and themselves, manage work, babysitting and every other obligation…now with that being said, it’s not like they don’t have time or don’t want to have fun. They do! But their idea of fun and what makes them happy is not empty fun that will derail them for the next day or week. Being hungover and sleeping it off the next day is not an option if they take care of kids full time.
- “Big Decision Phobia” Issues— if you are afraid of having to make big decisions like choosing schools, or figuring out summer camp, etc…this will scare you to death because single moms make big decisions all the damn time and quick (all by themselves). Talk about pressure! There’s no time to hesitate or hide for these warrior women, so if that’s too scary for you…that’s understandable…but please, move out of the way then.
- Now, let’s lighten things up a bit and discuss the inevitable fact that most people don’t think about initially…if you don’t like getting up early or are a miserable morning person…again, rethink what you are doing here. Kids (and their parents) are up early, starting the day by eating breakfast, playing, and watching cartoons. *Note — Children are not quiet and especially not in the morning when they have the most energy* With that being said, people with kids are up early, and normally spending most of the day out. Activities include soccer practice, dance, birthday parties, errands, museums, the movies, etc. Single parents have an extra special concern that they want their kids to have the best days and experience as many life-enriching events as possible. Be prepared for having to attend (and sometimes plan..if you want to score extra points) some children-focused events that may not exactly be your cup of tea.
- As you can see, I’ve listed some scary things about dating a single mom, but if you have not yet closed out this article on your browser, and are still interested in dating a single mom…please keep reading for the good stuff that comes along with dating a single mama. :) You deserve to hear it since you made it this far! Although you are not the #1 in your single mom lady friend’s life, that’s ok, and here’s why: she will appreciate you and make sure to show you that, day in and day out. She knows how tough it can be, and if you are willing to man up and stick through it with her, your efforts will be rewarded with immense love and gratitude. She will be your best friend, biggest supporter, and will always be 100% loyal to you. I mean like, fiercely dedicated and loyal.
- You will learn so much along the way…and hopefully love the little family that you have taken on. Not only do you get a loving, loyal woman, but you get a little, amazing, awesome friend too. I can bet money that if you are good to that child, they too will adore you and want you to be a big part of their life.
- So basically, yes things can be scary, and yes, it’s a lot of responsibility…but you will learn and grow, and get so much love back. You’ll find the more innocent, wholesome side of “fun” and gain a new appreciation and sense of fullness in your life.
I hope my letter has shed some light on what the reality is of dating a single mom and I hope you aren’t too scared and can accept the challenge ❤
Single Mom, CEO