Forever and Never

Julie sighed. The delicate, red petals scattered in and amongst the blood droplets. She’d always loved red. Until recently. Shivering, she stared into his eyes. Dull…cloudy…oblivous of the hair stuck to one of them.

The eyes, so different from what they’d been in life. They’d been so quick to smile, no matter what the rest of his face had been communicating. The eyes she remembered were bright blue — not this blank, gray — and they glittered with a sharp wit. The smile of recent memories is wiped away as her mind veered sharpy to the sight of all that red. She retched. Hard.

Wincing against the acrid taste of bile,

Julie struggled to regain her composure. She had to focus on the future. That’s what this was all about, after all. She’d done everything for the future. So that she and Roman would have a chance at forever happiness.

Forever used to terrify Julie.

Until recently, specifically until she’d met Roman. Julie had been with plenty of men, but had never experienced anything like the all-encompassing emotions that overtook her when Roman was near. They liked to joke that they were lovsessed. Consumed by a love so fierce, it bordered on obsession. But those were just jokes. Just for funsies. Funsies. She giggled.

Well, they had been jokes. Until recently. Until Alex realized what was going on. Julie had fun with Alex. He knew how to keep a girl entertained (winks all around) and was always the life of the party. Alex always knew exactly what to say. They’d been dating for almost 8 months and hadn’t even come near fighting. Perhaps Julie should have been more clear as to her intentions. Fuck. Like she’d even known her intentions. Everything had just gone so quickly. How could she be expected to react appropriately?!

Julie slowed her breathing with a moderate amount of effort, she couldn’t afford to pass out. The date had been lovely. They’d laughed and had a wonderful night in. They’d had drinks. Maybe too much to drink. Maybe she could blame it on the alcohol?

Right. The alcohol.

She scoffed aloud, derisively while her finger traced a path through the thick, deep red viscosity of her life’s most recent complication. Alcohol doesn’t make reasonable women into monsters. Love does. And doesn’t love conquer all? All’s fair in love and war, after all. Julie felt herself giggle just the least bit manically. Maybe THAT was the alcohol. This really was no time for giggles. It’ll be ok — she repeated the mantra in her head too many times to count. Until it just became sounds and lost its meaning. Roman will be so relieved. They wouldn’t have to hide anymore! Not to mention Julie was tired of dividing herself between all her lives. She was so looking forward to consolidating all the facets of the stone that is Julie. Although Alex was a frustration in his current state, he was also a relief.

He really had been an angel to Julie. But there had been moments where she knew he wanted her to say more…needed her to do more. Last week, for example, he’d seen some children when they’d been at the zoo. Julie had only wanted to go for the new polar bear exhibit and they’d been having a marvelous visit — until the children. He’d grinned in his trademark coy, dimpled way and murmured, “so…two? Maybe three?” Julie had lost ger jovial humor immediately. That’s when she realized just how serious Alex really was. This wasn’t a fling. It wasn’t just for fun or to show people what they needed to see. This was real for him.

Then, tonight, Alex had come over to her apartment for dinner. They were going to watch Fight Club, which Julie had been resisting for months. The rosemary rack of lamb that she’d made had gone down smoothly …along with two bottles of Cab. Everything was going swimmingly, as they say, until Alex had asked if she’d had “fun” last night with the girls. It wasn’t the content, but rather the tone he’d used. Sharp. Biting. As if fun and girls were four letter words dipped in feces.

Julie responded that she’d had a lovely night chock full o’ trashy television and vino.

Alex had stared immovably into her eyes. Hard. Cold. Unlike anything Julie had seen of him. Then he’d said it.

Maybe if he’d been nicer. Maybe if he’d started off more reasonably — it would have ended differently. It wouldn’t have escalated. It all went so quickly. Julie wasn’t even certain she’d been there. In fact, she was sure she hadn’t been — but for the thick jelly-like congealed blood on her sweater.

She HAD been there and he HADN’T been nice.

“Huh. Well I saw you. I saw you and you were fucking kissing a fucking woman. Like some kind of dyke. Like some kind of cheating cunt-dyke.” He face twisted in a revulsion of which Julie hadn’t thought him capable.

“Who the fuck is she?!

Who the fuck is the dyke who makes you want to sacrifice this?!” At that last word, he gestured lewdly toward his crotch. He was getting hard. And advancing. “I’ll show you what you’d be missing. I’ll remind you what a man does for a woman.”

That’s when Julie had snapped.

She’d struck him. She’d taken him off-guard as she was normally so placid. She’d hit him upside the temple with the nearby vase of roses he’d brought with him. Then when he’s toppled to the side — his eyes almost comically bewildered — she’d began pummeling him. And she’d struck with everything in her. Everything she’d been hiding. Everything that loved Roman. She’d beaten her boyfriend until he was pulp. His face unrecognizable as human. A pile of warm, red, squelching meat. Spattered all over the front of her. All over her face.

Now, hours later, Julie clumsily tried to scrape the pieces into a pile.

She was shaking. Shock setting in. She had to get this cleaned up. What cleans up blood? Bleach. That’s right. But the body. She had to do something with the body.

Then she’d heard a knock at the door. A fumbling of keys

Fuck, she remembered as swung open. Roman had a key.

Roman stood silently. Staring. Mouth agape.

The blood rushed in Julie’s ears. Rushing blood. Pooling blood. Blood everywhere.

“Look baby! We’re free. We dont have to hide!” The words flowed like a mad rush from Julie’s mouth as she crept towards Roman. She felt the grin. The grin felt too big.

Roman held out her hands, fending off Julie…or the scene she’d walked into. She looked at Julie, eyes full of horror and shock. Her mouth moved soundlessly several times before she half-croaked.

“Julie, what have you done to my brother.”