EMASCULATION AND THE FUTURE BEING FEMALE
The phrase the future is female sounds and feels empowering for women generally. And it’s either for equality or superiority depending on individual perspective. And much as it could be a popular phrase, I understand people can get defensive about it either because they feel attacked or triggered; or be defensive because they believe it is what it is, and would not change their perspective for anything else. In this era of the Future, Forward Female, you will agree with me that women are no longer waiting to be handed cakes and flowers. They are mixing the dough, baking the cakes and presenting the flowers to themselves. And while this can be a little unsettling, not just for men, but the society at large; a glance at the past, of extreme subjugation of women by men who had no idea of how to positively cultivate their ego can be seen as the root cause of this stand by some modern women. Seems like women are becoming so strong, but… to the point of extremism. The FFF era seems to be a cultural vengeance of the pain, suffering and extreme oppression women suffered from men. However the sad reality about trends like this is that most men that suffer the consequences of this exremism, have no link with the offenders neither are they the offenders. It sure feels like a taboo to hear that a man is being oppressed by a woman. Consider that. It is almost said in hush tone… that is if it is ever said. As a matter of fact, this oppression is being hidden under a heavy makeup some somewhat abusive women exercise under the guise of women empowerment. Don’t get me wrong, I totally validate women empowerment. I am an ardent believer of women empowerment and human right. However beneath the guise of women’s right, and sometimes, hard experiences, is the horrendous monster of emasculation.
Emasculation is a man’s kryptonite whether as a boy child or a man. Basically, it is depriving the man of his strength and role as a man. It is the story of the effeminate boy child, man and the society. The gradual erosion of the male identity in the society. It is the kind of bias idea we input in our boy child while nurturing them, it is taking for granted the personality of a gentleman. It is in scoffing at him, negative comparison with his equals, discouraging him and not appreciating what he does. It is in emotional blackmail just so you can get your way. See, emasculation has many shades. And we must realize that gendering the society in the way of superiority poses colossal danger to our world at large.
If you see a man who is always intimidated by a female leader, always in a power struggle with an authority figure who is a woman, always in a mental and emotional mesh of proving superiority, or even feeling less and withdrawn, check it. Such men somewhere along the line were emasculated.
It is a pattern that starts with the relationship he has with is mother or mother figure and father or father figure. As a woman, what were you taught about men? Did you see your mum, Aunt, or other woman figure in your family emasculate your father, uncle or male figure in the family, and were you brought up to emasculate a man by subjugation, and negative comparison? As a man, what were you taught about men? Did you see your dad, uncle, or male figure slump into depression because of oppression, and you swore never to be treated that way? Or were you taught objectify any woman figure in your life? And so when you see your fellow man treat a woman in a gentleman way, you think it is weak. And as a woman, if you haven’t talked down your man to the point that he does the exact things you want, or becomes your servant just because he seeks your validation and approval, he cannot be termed as a man.
If you say to yourself, Sinmi, God forbid you go through what I went through in the hands of a man… or a woman; I say AMEN to that. This is in no way invalidating any bitter experience you had, whether as a man or a woman. All I am saying is that your reasons may be valid, but it doesn’t make emasculation right. More so because the victims are not always the culprits.
I cannot imagine a world or future without masculinity in it. It would be a total disaster. But as it is at the moment, we have very few role models of healthy masculinity. The change therefore starts with you. Yes you as a man and as a woman. Don’t effeminate boys. Stop emasculating men. They are boy child/ men respectively, for a reason. And for the men, if you ever feel threatened by a woman just because she’s a woman; if you always have the idea of “ how can a woman lead me, why should I listen to a woman, all these …(excuse my French) barbaric idea of a woman should be behind me…just because she is a woman; you need to talk some senses to yourself and I say this with the most sense of responsibility and genuine concern: SEEK. HELP. Again seeking help is not weakness. Please don’t be harassed or embarrassed by that statement. There is so much healthy strength you can uncover if you can bring yourself to see what can be improved on.
And for the men, it would be good if you have the time, or while in your cave, to look inwards…and ask yourself some very important questions like:
How do you see yourself as man? What threatens your masculinity in your interaction and relationship with a woman, your fellow men, the society at large? Are these threats valid? If they are or are not, how do you respond to them? And finally, map out a plan on how you can be a role model of healthy masculinity.
Before we conclude let’s mention 10 things we do directly or indirectly that emasculate a man or effeminate a boy child in no particular order:
1. The phrase “ men are babies” is totally emasculating.
2. When you as a woman, takeover everything because you are always right. If he concedes leadership position to you on that basis. Congratulations, you have successfully emasculated your man.
3. If you as a woman/ lady believe he’s the only one with the flaws, while you sit on the throne of self-righteousness. And now he second guesses himself everytime.
4. When you don’t make much of his achievement. Even if it means nothing to you and means a lot to him, celebrate it. An achievement is an achievement. Big or small.
5. When you say he’s not man enough. Hmm.
6. A man that allows his emotion dictate his action is an emasculated man.
7. When a man looks tough on the outside, but is quite irresponsible when it comes to work and family. It is even worse if he doesn’t feel or think anything of it. That is emasculation at its peak that needs an SOS
8. He abuses women and children, instead of protecting them. That is a man who doesn’t know his role and identity as a man. He has been emasculated.
9. He runs from relational conflict. In other words, you don’t like confrontation and you procrastinate. I will tell you, as a person, I deal with procrastination and yes, there are conflict I avoid, so this is not bashing anyone. I am also guilty of this, and working it. So lets’ face the mirror together, ay? Lol
10. The feeling of powerlessness can definitely emasculate a man.
Finally it is about time men began to address some real issues in their cave. If you feel emasculated please confide in a good trusted friend and seek help before it is too late. And let it be known, the future is not female, it is not male. It is not transgender, it is not gay! The is the future and I am certain it is okay being identified as what it is: the future.
