Let me tell you about a revolutionary new way to clean your home!
(Just give me a few minutes of your time, and I’ll leave, pal.)
The Robo-Vacumatic is an all-in-one cleaning machine! Vacuum, duster, carpet cleaner, wet vac, robot. It works all day so you don’t have to!
(Unlike my ex-wife. Alimony and child support are why I’m working this shit job.)
For the low, low price of $399, it can be all yours!
(Or you can take it from me, just like the courts took my kids.)
So whad’ya say, mister? Will you keep me from hanging myself tonight?