“so don’t worry about me; I’m fine.”

Part 5: Einstein

Merriam Webster defines Einstein as “a radioactive element produced artificially, see element table.” I’m a little more sentimental than them, so I define him as a genius visionary, with interesting hair.

Einstein is also known for the theory of relativity. He’s most famous for his speech in Memphis where he unexpectedly yelled out “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Let freedom ring, Indeed! (your one stop shop for a brand new job! text my residual check to 555–1234. It’ll go straight to me. Otherwise try the trash, you money-gargling capitalistic pigs)

When I was little, I was so curious about insanity. It scared me. What exactly was crazy? Could it happen to me?

When I was in 7th grade, I went through this weird phase where I would look in the mirror and my eyes would connect and get real wide and then I’d go into this…trance-like state. I never broke eye contact. Not even once, (unless you count blinking; but c’mon I’m not a robot.) I couldn’t really stop it from happening. I wasn’t the one doing it. I was so scared.

But as I look at society, at least in the new world, I feel like I’m the sane one and everyone else is crazy. I’m in awe of humans, but also wonder when they get the time to think? To process all the stimuli they take in? Curiouser and curiouser.

Cause they go so many places. Its exhausting. There’re people everywhere. Lots of them have full-time jobs, which means at least 40 hours a week; but more than likely more, cause they “don’t count lunch as work.” And then, l’horror, all the chores.

You’d figure that if you’re gonna spend so much time doing something, it would follow that it’d be a source of joy, fulfillment, love, purpose, etc. in said person’s life, or society at large. Based on my observations, however, most jobs don’t matter. There are all these shadow-like businesses out there that only do business with other businesses. Real people don’t know about them. And they make My Generation be their cronies (shoutout: True 90's Kids.) They have to find other people from other businesses to do business with the business their business is doing business with.

But nobody wants to talk to you. You annoy them. If somebody picks up, its the secretary.

Have you ever heard of Gatekeeping? Its how you say ‘screening calls’ in business. They’re there to prevent cronies like you from bothering his heinous, The Job Creator.

Do you work at a call center? Doing telemarketing? Where’s the rope? C’mon let me see it! Where’s your note? C’mon let me read it! It only took me three weeks and half of that time was spent smoking cigarettes. It’s a balancing act, for sure.

I don’t know why people are so down on smoking. It only hurts you if you smoke in order to avoid confronting your dissonant thoughts and emotions and heal any trauma involved; be it mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual. For the True Shaman, smoking is a way to connect with the earth. Just neutralize all the bad chemicals the bad guys put in them and you’re all good! #easywaystopreventcancer #YMMV

I’ve made so many friends through smoking. Why doesn’t the Truth campaign just ask people what they like about smoking? Just go up to a smoker and say ‘why do you enjoy smoking?’ That’s the true truth. See it from our point of view. Cause you’re being a little terrorist-y. I don’t want to see anyone’s rotting trachea and I sure as hell don’t want to be bullied into following your agenda. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with smoking if you have a healing ability and I’m not gonna let the haters stop me from doing my thing. “Follow your Bliss.” Technically Joseph Campbell coined that phrase but since I agree, add MY name behind a dash behind that quote!

I’m unlike Einstein in that I’m no longer radio-active. Unless you count satellite- but that’s only when I forget my phone. (I use Tidal because Jay Z took ‘The Blueprint’ off Spotify. The sound quality is noticably better, imo.)

Other than our differing levels of radio activity, Einstein and I are just alike. We both have magnificent hair and that’s our identifying feature. Take me for instance. My hair is so voluminous that I can’t wear hats. Also, my mom died when I was eleven.

Back to Einstein and his theory of relativity, I’m starting to think it might all be a conspiracy…But I can’t talk about that now. ‘Jay’s favorite line-dawg in due time.’ *enter: Hawking, stage right*

As my predecessor before me might have done,

I’d like to formally contribute something to the Field of Math:

- I reinvented probability and its way easier now. It’s just 1/2 or 50/50. Or .5 for all you decimalists out there. Correct me if I’m doing the math wrong; I’m not in seventh grade.

-why: something does or does not happen to you. It’s always yes or no. it could or it could not happen. It might, but it also might not. While it can, it also can’t. It is or is not. Its 1 or 0. You agree or you disagree…although you could be ambivalent, but that pokes a hole in my Theory so let’s not.

  • Why not drop the longform so we all can have some more ‘me-time?’ (shoutout: Riggins) Perhaps an extra hour of recess for the children? (add link regarding obesity) I’ve seen several FaceBook stati calling for the return of beloved-kindergarten-staple, NapTime; I’m certainly down.

There both is and isn’t a case for my new theory on math, but that’s how math works. It both is and isn’t.

As far as I know, the Common Core has not yet ruled it out. It’s a possibility so everyone pray for me.

I know I could’ve used an extra hour to roam the halls back when I was a student.

  • We’ve been doing math wrong! Tell everyone you know! #JusticeForKevinGandOthers

for reference:

Go Ask Alice. http://sabian.org/alice_in_wonderland2.php

Tim Riggins, on ‘Me Time.’https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adP_lyNjmkA&feature=youtu.be

So nerd is inferred. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KY8WU0oa3I

My Muse http://livemercury.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/AlbertEinstein.jpg

Of course I’m extreme, I was born and raised in the 90s. http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/30-things-only-those-who-are-true-90s-kids-would-understand.html

Reader’s Choice! https://www.google.com/search?q=obesity&rlz=1CAACAJ_enUS671US671&oq=obesity&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l5.3037j0j4&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Cutie http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_leyuthwWiB1qg038uo1_1280.jpg

what I *should* be doing right now: http://www.indeed.com/

To Do!: think and write about cover songs. i’ve got some ideas.

My Generation’s My Generation, begrudginly:

*mine, begrudgingly, though I was a total LizHead in the early 00s. I literally had to shut it off cause I thought I was gonna throw up. That’s mean. But…well, decide for yourself.

Limp Bizkit’s define the alternative side of TRL


The guy who wrote the song. The Who? lolol


Leave a comment if you caught the Kanye references.