How to get your crush to fall in love with you: a comprehensive guide
Today marks a very special day. One year ago today, I attended the Atlanta Rx summit on a whim. I booked the sickest Air bnb and I was ready to learn everything the United States had to offer about prescription opioids and heroin. I was prepared… I even grew a mustache for this thing.
Got to the conference Day 2 was aiight. Then, in the exhibitor hall, next to the FED Up Rally booth, I heard, “who is that?” and I looked up from the amalgam of cables I was working on detangling. I saw a familiar face staring back at me. Judy Rummler was cornering him and instructing he hand out flyers about our upcoming rally. It was THE Ryan Hampton. (Like, blue verified checkmark and frequent HuffPost contributor Ryan Hampton)
Now, I had worked briefly with Mr. Hampton in the past, but never had I ever had the pleasure… nay… the pure ecstasy of looking into those silver-blue eyes in person.
I thought I was going to barf. (Wow… he’s so handsome.) my varicose veins were tingling. (I don’t actually have varicose veins but if I did you can bet your ass those suckers would be on fire!)
So like any normal adult, I did what you’d expect… I f****ing booked it. I ran from the tangle of cords right past him and flipped a peace sign. “See you guys later, I’m late for my breakout session”. (So slick…)
During that entire breakout session I was sifting through google image search results for “Ryan Hampton”.
“Why can’t I find someone like this?!” I thought to myself. (Yeah, a bit creepy, but it gets cute)
Now I won’t get into the details of how we got to chatting but once we did it was game over. He took me to dinner (thank you Randy Anderson for inviting yourself on our first date) and later to the Ferris wheel for a VIP experience (tinted windows and soda pops) ending with a walk in the park.
And that’s it! The rest is history. So if you want your crush to date you, make sure you grow a mustache and run like a bat out of hell in the opposite direction of them. If they want you bad enough they’ll make it happen, right?
Today, on our one year, Ryan and I are still together and looking to the future from yet another opioid conference. We have plans to raise a million dogs and to keep each other company as we slowly age into nonexistence. In all seriousness, I have never been more in love in my life. I get weak at the knees every morning waking up to those silver-blue eyes. I love you, Ryan Hampton.
