Metamorphosis

You know you’re on the right track when you start feeling uncomfortable in your own skin. It’s an extremely disturbing experience. You can no longer relate to the person you once were, you cannot understand who you are now and you don’t know who or what you’re becoming. It may be easy to say “I don’t know who I am anymore”, but it takes courage to really find that out. And the most scary bit is that you’ll never truly know because you’re continuously changing, stretching, growing, metamorphosing. The process is endless.

There are three distinct phases in one’s life story: what you were, what you are or are becoming, and what you will become.

When you learn to disassociate your ‘previous’ self from the labels and man-made stigmas that were stamped upon you, as if tattooed for life on your forehead, you begin to unleash an unstoppable flow of thoughts and emotions that flood your system as if rewiring your entire neurological circuitry. It’s not a pleasant experience to live through. Your entire life is turned upside down. You don’t know yourself anymore. You lose all confidence in yourself. Self doubt kicks in. Fear starts to take over that you never knew existed. You feel like vomiting. You feel sick. You feel helpless. You feel miserable. You feel ashamed. You feel like a fake. You feel meaningless, worthless, useless.

What you don’t realize during that process is the absolute necessity of going through those range of emotions and experiences. You have to live through it and endure it in order to learn from it. It must happen. Without it the transformation cannot occur. You must endure. You must suffer. You must suffocate. You must get lost. You must die to be reborn. “You must break the egg to make the omelette”. It’s essential.

While you are deep under water gaping for air, there are no helping hands to pull you out. You are submerged. You cannot clearly see the light above. You cannot tell what’s above the surface of the water. But you can tell that it’s bright, and calm. You can tell it is the only way out. Sinking is not an option. Swimming is not an option. You must float. Float. Let go and float. It’s the only way to save yourself. To set yourself free. Let yourself flow with the water, let it take you where it may. Don’t struggle. Struggle will only worsen your condition. You must let go. It’s the only way.

How long you stay floating under water, nobody knows. If and when you emerge, nobody knows. How long you survive under water, nobody knows. What you will become once you do emerge, nobody knows. Nobody has answers. Nobody can help. You must endure and enjoy the journey. It’s the only choice you have.

The caterpillar asks the butterfly,
“But how did you do it??!!
Really! Tell me!!! I implore you.”
And the butterfly remains silent.
For she herself doesn’t know how.