About “Cleaning House” & Frustrations
Coucou ma puce,
I had so much fun reading your last week’s blog, raising quite some giggles. So many points of recognition were to be found, except from the fact of not being a good cook, but don’t tell … I “hate” it. ;-)
In fact, to be honest I didn’t feel like writing today. Why exactly is hard to tell, just one of those days,… but my current mood will become clear in the process of reading.
These past few weeks of mine have been filled with so many goodbyes. Ever since everyone knows that I’ll be leaving to France in the nearest possible time, of course I want to catch up with all of them one last time. Because who knows when the next time will be to see our friends.
It is not that these “goodbyes” are permanent, but every time it hurts a little, sharing so many wonderful memories with my friends.
But why does it hurt? Because an entire new and exciting adventure is peeping right around the corner… Makes no sense … Or is it that little part within that is afraid of the unknown?
Of course all those friendships hold a part of everything we’ve always known, providing some level of comfort. Guess this again is a part of growing more in our freedom of being authentic and complete.
Then there are those frustrations that I feel raging within myself. Moving to a different country, starting a new chapter and working on the start-up of a challenging project bring a lot of paperwork to sort out. As things aren’t going as quickly as I hoped for … and I confess this is getting me quite frustrated from time to time. Maybe the most frustrating aspect are the things that are out of our own hands, the ones we have to wait for and trusting it’ll work out in “divine timing”.
As you know I am quite a “TGV” (French high speed train), tackling every obstacle, frustration,… with enormous resilience… And here is the most frustrating part for me, these things I can’t solve or tackle. I’ll just have to wait and be patient ;-)
A few weeks ago I made a little list with all those practical things I had to do or sort out, before being able to move. Yesterday was the day I completed that list, as there were only a few things to do.
Thinking they would be a piece of cake, sorting out my stuff I have stored at my dad’s and going to the doctor to get my blood checked. As you know I’ve encountered quite the challenge health-wise a few years ago, this raises quite some emotions and a little anxiety to be honest, because of the waiting for the results.
After my doctor’s appointment, as said I went to my father’s to sort out the boxes I have stored at their house. I had been postponing this for several weeks,… because subconsciously I just knew, going through these boxes would raise old emotions and memories. (as I’ve been postponing writing this blog all day as well.) But I never expected it to have such an impact on me.
Going through these boxes and this way going through parts of my past that have been quite important, left me balance between the biggest smiles, giggles and some tears as well. As I’ve thrown out quite some stuff that once were important to me, one could say I have been cleaning out a lot on a mental level. Wouldn’t it be so much easier to just throw out entire boxes and their content without looking and just starting over?
But hey, as we’ve become a little more experienced in the “growth” department, we already know that “easy won’t do the trick and life would smack it back in our faces sometime soon ;-)
Although I am quite the “look everything in the eye” kind of person, I even busted myself on ignoring and postponing some events of my past. Going through boxes and bags filled with stuff, I bumped into a bag with my horse-riding boots inside, still covered with dried mud. Horse riding always has been and still is my “larger than life” passion, but as you know, two years ago I had quite a heavy accident with my horse, while riding he got spooked, slipped and fell on top of me while galloping. Ever since I haven’t ridden anymore and eventually the accident and life’s course lead me to sell them. Still something that makes my heart cry. Even now while writing, my eyes are getting a little flooded…
Yesterday I finally cleaned those boots, while thinking of all those precious moments I’ve been blessed to share with my four legged friends. As I’ve made myself the promise when in France, I will start riding again, I collected my riding clothes and boots in a box, ready for France…
So however today might seem like an off day, (with bad grammar skills) I could say today is quite a fruitful day. As I don’t feel like “riding” today, tomorrow I will get back in the saddle. ;-)
Big hugs and ditto kisses as for now still from Belgium,
Hey Sister, are you curious about us? We are Cathy Kwanten & Pauline Siebers, and you can contact us at firstname.lastname@example.org