My darling Pauline,
First of all I wanted to reply on what you said about being overwhelmed, when reading my story. And yes, you know me so well, while reading I instantly wanted to hit “reply”.
There is no need to feel overwhelmed as we all carry our own story, leading us towards all the “places” and insights we have to go through in life. I am even convinced we all have to go through the same emotions in life. However, through different events and for every single one of us, different lessons to learn. To me the most beautiful thing opening up brought me, were the messages from people from all over the globe, writing me to say how my story helped them on making positive changes in their lives. And that’s what I did it for, the positive impact and raising awareness that we all are the same in our own unique ways of being. At the same time making my own struggles and lessons learned, worth even more.
Like you said, “life isn’t to be compared”.
As we speak, my move to France is coming closer and closer and every now and then reality really hits me.
Being a natural born “life- and soul hacker”, I already knew I would get confronted with myself and my past in so many ways especially those emotions we carefully tuck away. Inevitable in the process of moving towards this “new way of living”, working through the creation of our project and the new environment we’ve chosen.
But “oh boy”, little did I expect how “heavy” these confrontations would become.
First of all, let’s talk about fears, because we all are full of it. Even if they don’t make any sense at all. Every new step into the unknown raises fears, no matter how brave we present ourselves. That’s why I started thinking about my own fears and analyzing my past fears and new ones raising. The only way to overcome is by jumping into their center core and listen to our inner voices (as a brave soul reminded me last weekend), in order to tackle these fears and prevent them from taking over or returning.
And then there are those past decisions and their consequences surfacing, especially just before I am about to move away 1200 km’s from everything that I have known. (knowing that even from there we probably will go further)
So I decided to go and face that major pain / sadness inside of me, putting my pride (serves nothing) aside to go and say goodbye to one person that has hurt me a lot in the past and that I might have hurt without a doubt (as we all have our own responsibility in everything). But at the same time this person did so many good and beautiful things for me, while growing up.
Thanks to some wonderful friends and you for talking and listening to me about it, I realized that so much of my effort and bravery (like you call it) in life, would go in vain if I would take this step and later in life end up with regret about things unsaid. By forgiving the other and leaving pain and hatred behind, you also forgive yourself for letting pain and anger be done to you. In doing so one is able to continue with a little less “darkening” weight to carry, only taking along memories of beauty and love within our hearts. This way I think we can create a more beautiful base for an even brighter future.
Again, I might have learned so much in life, but still have so much to learn and discover. Maybe my biggest step this last few weeks has been putting aside my strength and my will to conquer everything alone, by sending you that one short message, “I need your help”. Been years and years now, that I used that one vulnerable, yet powerful sentence.
Reading back what I just wrote, this week’s reply might be quite personal and vulnerable. But this part of our personal growth is so important as well to take along into the process of creating our project and the “new way of living” we are building. In the long run this will add up to the growth and impact without a doubt, wether in the realization of the bigger whole as in our qualities of leadership.
Personally I think the only way I can keep evolving as a coach and even as a co-business owner, is by allowing myself to keep learning and growing as a person in the first place. The only way to do so is by being true and honest towards myself and being willing to face my own flaws and weaknesses in all honesty.
Right from the start, we already knew it would become a challenging journey, on a business level as well as on a mental level. But I still am enjoying every single step of it! And as we both love challenges,… We won’t skip any of them, as the only way to succeed, is being truly honest with ourselves and mindful towards every obstacle or challenge crossing our path.
I am so grateful for you being you, and all of those amazing souls we get to meet. ;-)
Hey Sister, are you curious about us? We are Cathy Kwanten & Pauline Siebers, and you can contact us at email@example.com