Why as a framework
Hear me out, I’m not (completely) insane.
The Good
As a framework, a why is absolutely crucial (for me). It provides a mechanism from which to evaluate each ‘what’ individually for alignment with the holistic why. By nature I’m a background processor. This is a lie. I have learned over time to become a background processor as I’ve made some spectacular mistakes due to snap judgements. Technically, processing things in the background allows one the time to think them through, contextualise them, and end up with a better (unemotional) decision. In the context of a why, it allows the space to think of whether the what does indeed fit in with the why.
The Bad
The flip side here is that the background processing, although it may have started with good intentions, becomes a convenient excuse for fear. The counter-argument here is that your intuition (if you believe in such things) already knows what course you should take, and related to your why (real or imagined). Therefore, allowing more time to process and contextualise is simply a method of deferring and allowing for the inclusion of social constructs (most of which I would argue are fear-based) to creep in. So rather than saying no to an opportunity that, while it looks lucrative and interesting, does not fit with your current direction — you pause to reflect on it over time. All this reflection (for me) mostly centres around FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and FOWTWT (Fear Of What They Will Think). Sure, I made that last one up, but it’s a real thing, I promise.
The bottom line is you end up making a maybe, or possibly yes, decision on something you know is not right for you. I already hear the heckler in the back of my head asking: “But what about the times you said no, and you were wrong, and all the times the maybe turned out well in the end?” Great question, and my honest answer is that I don’t know! Part of me wants to argue that the latter is a function of making the best of a bad decision/situation, or a necessary suffering point to reach the goal (I’m channeling the Hero’s journey here). Honestly, I don’t know.
Lately though, I will say this: I know when it doesn’t feel right. I think we all do. This will no doubt be highly amusing to all those who have had heated discussions with me about thinking versus feeling. I may just be more in touch with how my body feels lately, but I have learned to notice when there is a tightening. The critical part becomes about discerning whether the tightening is simply fear, or intuition saying no. Once again, I don’t know. What I do know is that the ability to notice the contraction/tightening allows one the space to at least consider this.
The Ugly
My sole dependent, that almost 70 year old blind, diabetic dog, is sick. He has a serious ear infection that, according to the schedule given by the vet, will take the next 9 weeks to clear up. I am tortured by watching him walk around in circles, have his balance completely off and bump into (even more) things. If my Mom had not seen the behaviour and taken him to the vet when she did, it might have been much worse. I’m eternally grateful to her for that, and a multitude of other mercies she bestows on my life.
The why gets ugly at this point because it’s my fault (through not paying enough attention) that the ear infection is as bad as it is. Blame game aside, it means that I have to spend practically all my time watching him when no one else is around to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself. This curtails my personal freedom, the ultimate why, rather than increase it. It gets worse when you consider that I’m supposed to be leaving for India in 3 weeks.
A light
The shining light is always the (contextual) why. If my dog does not get well enough in 3 weeks that I feel comfortable that he will be okay, then I will cancel my trip. Having the freedom to make this call is empowering, and further convinces me that I made the right call regarding the why. The next process still remains applying the framework to each what.
Why Medium?
I keep a personal (handwritten) journal, so the question in my head has repeatedly been about why I would post on Medium. I currently have a readership of say two or three, erm, people and I question the usefulness of this to anyone but myself. So then if I’m not changing the world, why?
The answer can be summarised in one phrase: self-care. My sister has been going on about it to me for ages, but I am a pretty slow learner when it comes to certain things. A number of times, she has quoted “You cannot pour from an empty cup.”
My why is to increase my personal freedom. As a consequence, that means freeing myself from imagined, unnecessary and unhelpful fears (including the examples above). Writing on here is my small step (or even ritual) towards facing fear. That’s one reason.
The other is that I choose to.
