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Now now. If your theory were correct, everyone would need a nine-digit number. Here in the UK, our corresponding identifier is the National Insurance number, which is two letters, six digits and another letter, making — oh. Nine.

OK, but 999 over here is the emergency phone number, like your 911, so — oh. Emergency.

Right… We have Experian and Equifax, and another one whose name escapes me, but I don’t know Panera bread, and I don’t see any sixes or nines in that logo. What it looks like to me is that cheerful man from New York or Florida or wherever he is today, you know the one I mean, think of a gold-plated toilet and — oh. Him. The Beast?

You’ve done it again…