We Are All One

Lola calling

Lady Lola holds court



Wake up, Mara!

What? Who’s there?

I have a message for you.

Who are you?

First I need to take you through security. Can you confirm your full name, please?

It’s Mara. You called me, remember?

I mean your full name.


Did you say… Lady Mara, the Dreamer?

Yes. What’s wrong with your ears?

I’m very old. Next, can you confirm your date of — no. Can you tell me… how many are in your family?

Let’s see. One, more than one, more than one, more than one, more than one. That’s it. More than one.

Excluding yourself.

More than one.

Thank you. Now — oh I don’t believe this! I need all their names.

Oh yeah? How about I smell some ID from you, first?

Mara, believe me, I’m sorry. This is important.

A stick!


A stick! You said important and I said a stick. A stick is important!

We’re not playing word-association here! Mara, we don’t have much time. Can you give me the names, please?

Well, there’s me, and Twolegs Smells-of-bacon-and-flowers, and Twolegs Smells-of-bacon-and-wood, and Twolegs Smells-of-bacon-and-used-to-be-smaller, and Truck.

Thank you, you’re through security. My name is Lola. I will be your Spirit Guide for today. This call may be recorded for — Mara, one of your Twolegs is in danger.

Which one?

Twolegs and-flowers.

So you want me to bark? OK.

No! That’s just what you must not do! You must not wake Twolegs!

And how will that help?

Your Twolegs and-flowers has an appointment, at which she hopes to meet a cat. She is… interested by this cat.

Hey, watch your mouth, you! This is my Twolegs and-flowers you’re insulting!

Yes. I’m sorry. That’s how serious it is.

You have to be kidding. I mean, I know she’s soft on vermins and venisons, but a cat?

The ways of Twolegs are strange.

So, I don’t wake her and…?

Your Twolegs oversleeps, misses the appointment, and the cat returns, disappointed, to torturing birds.

I like birds!

Me too. But it’s the birds or the Twolegs.

OK, got it. Don’t wake Twolegs. Sorry, birds.

One more thing. Do you remember a sign?

What’s that?

A sign. A post that Twolegs use to communicate.

Oh, we do that too.

Not the same way. Anyway, on this sign there is a horse’s halter, a leather strap. You must retrieve this strap. It is very important.

A stick!

Mara, please concentrate.

Hey, you’re talking to a Lab here, remember?

Yes. I’m sorry, sometimes I forget that I’m a Lab myself.

Wow, you are old.

Yes. Now where was I?

You were talking about a stick.

Yes, I — no. Look, Mara, just promise me you won’t wake Twolegs today.

Don’t wake Twolegs. Right.

I have to go now. Thank you for your attention. Your business is important to us.

A stick!