[Book] Happier, No Matter What: Cultivating Hope, Resilience, and Purpose in Hard Times

Yet , those who have eyes apparently see little . The panorama of color and action which fills the world is taken for granted . It is human , perhaps , to appreciate little that which we have and to long for that which we have not

Author’s framework to have a more resilient happiness is to be whole according to the SPIRE framework: spiritual , physical , intellectual , relational , and emotional wellbeing. For me personally, I’m mainly missing the spiritual aspect. Some antidotes: (1) Reflect on the purpose of my goals and activities (2) Accept that it’s okay to not feel that everything I do must have meaning (3) Redirect attention from vague purposes into present senses, and appreciate it. Ground yourself.

Notable quotes

Spiritual wellbeing.

• We can experience spirituality in two ways : when we’re feeling a sense of meaning and purpose in what we’re doing , and when we’re fully present and focused in the moment .
• Present. friend replied , “ Nothing in particular . ” Keller responds , How was it possible , I asked myself , to walk for an hour through the woods and see nothing worthy of note ? . . . If I can get so much pleasure from mere touch , how much more beauty must be revealed by sight . Yet , those who have eyes apparently see little . The panorama of color and action which fills the world is taken for granted . It is human , perhaps , to appreciate little that which we have and to long for that which we have not , but it is a great pity that in the world of light the gift of sight is used only as a mere convenience rather than as a means of adding fullness to life . — — From hellen keller’s 3 days to see
• Purpose. “ This is important to me because __ . ” “ I’m passionate about __ . ” “ I help others by ____ . ”
• It’s ok not to feel it all the time. Most of us experience all three perspectives , at different times . We have days when our work is a grind , we have days when we’re focused on advancement , and we have days when we truly love what we do . The question is , which is the predominant mindset ? How do you feel about your work in general?

Physical wellbeing

• Stress ok, overwork not ok. The problem , therefore , is not the stress . The problem , rather , is lack of recovery .
• Simple tip: breathe every break. The traders took three to four deep breaths every two hours , and reported that it made a real difference in their overall experience — their wellbeing , productivity , creativity , and energy . … Often all it takes is three deep breaths for you to make that shift from stress to recovery .
• Recovery time Now , the research indicates that on average , we need to pause for recovery every ninety minutes or so , take at least one day off a week , and spend a couple of weeks vacationing a year ,

Intellectual Wellbeing

• Ask better questions. David Cooperrider , cofounder of the field of appreciative inquiry , notes that “ We live in a world that our questions create . ” If we are to create the best possible world for ourselves and others we need to ask positive questions : “ We find that the more positive the question we ask , the more long — lasting and successful the change effort . ”
• Gentle curiosity. Zander has a rule that every time his students make a mistake , he says , “ How fascinating , ” celebrating the mistake , because each mistake is an opportunity for learning .
• Love the questions, be patient. In his book Letters to a Young Poet , Rilke wrote : “ Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves . . . Live the questions now . Perhaps you will then gradually , without noticing it , live along some distant day into the answer . ”

Relational wellbeing.

• Give sustainably. The Dalai Lama spoke about this very idea : “ Caring for others based only on your sacrifice doesn’t last . Caring must also feed you . ” … “ If I’m not for myself , who will be for me ? But if I’m only for myself , who am I ? And if not now , then when ? ”
• Understand. The key is not to make each other feel good — to validate and seek validation — but instead “ to know and to be known . ”

Emotional wellbeing.

• Permission to be human is about allowing yourself to feel any and all emotions , however painful they may be . Giving yourself this permission is to acknowledge , I feel this right now , and that’s fine
• The person who is depressed experiences learned helplessness — “ No matter what I do , this feeling is here to stay . ” The happier individual experiences painful emotions , too , but the major difference is that they know that “ This , too , shall pass . ”

Applicable to me

• Every 1.5h at work: Walk and 3 deep breaths. Reflect: I helped others / myself by: <increasing understanding, producing, …>
• What I do is meaningful because (1) producing / creating is meaningful (2) I’m helping myself / others learn / understand. It’s ok if I don’t feel this all the time, as long as I have this one-liner in sight.
• Reflect on these: (1) My project is meaningful because … (2) ask yourself : What can I do differently in each element? (3) List of qs from the book: When am I at my happiest ? How can I become happier ? Where do I experience meaning in my life ? How can I find more meaning ? What positive habits do I have ? How can I introduce more positive habits into my life ? What do I love to learn ? How can I further indulge my curiosity ? What is working in my relationships ? What can I do to make my relationships better ?

More quotes here