New Years Resolution

So, it’s a little late and I just got back from my first massage, EVER! God damn it felt great. It was so relaxing and something I really needed. Who would have thought? My auntie told me that getting a good massage helps someone sleep better at night. But instead, it helped me forget the worries, troubles, and toxic feelings I’ve built up inside of me in the last months. It made me realize that I needed to take a break and just stop thinking about stuff that ruin my day. You what else I thought of during my time in a dimly lit room with a naked me, myself, and the masseuse? My New Years Resolution!

Firstly, exercising is very beneficial for you. Yes yes, we all have heard how amazing exercising can be to your self esteem, but did you also know that exercising also gives you more energy and happiness? Not only does it help you gain a great body but it also emotionally helps you accept yourself. This is what I need: confidence. So exercising is something I must go back to when I return.

Secondly, diet. I personally do not like limiting myself to certain types of food just to please others or my body, but indulging too much is just too much. I had a bad experience last year from eating food I was not too careful with and it was an experience I will always hate but learn from. Plus, I had help from my loved ones who helped me feel better in the end.

Thing is, I’m the kind of girl who loves to eat because food is good. Who doesn’t love eating a good New York cheesecake with hot Oolong tea? Or taking a bite of your favourite chocolate mousse while watching the new episode of Sherlock? I know I do. My point is that I need to control myself because it isn’t really a very appealing trait to always stuff yourself to the rim (HA!). In fact, it’s kinda bad. So I want to control that. That’s what I want next: discipline.

Thirdly, I want control over my life. I don’t want anyone else stepping over me anymore. I don’t want to please anyone anymore. I used to take great pleasure in that. I used to disregard my feelings so that I can please my friends or someone I liked. It has been making me unhappy. He told me before that I shouldn’t blame him for this as I allowed it to happen. I remember being so mad at that reasoning but I ignored it so I could keep him close. I remember making a blog of how much I didn’t give a fuck anymore. I was surprised someone read it but I didn’t care. In the end, all I wanted was to vent. In the end, all I wanted was control over my life again. That’s what I need next: control.

Fourthly? Fourthly sounds a little weird when reading it, but anyway, I want to work more for my education. I want to work as hard as I did for my STATS class. I want to be successful in a career I could be proud of. Perhaps discipline is also necessary for this one.

You know, these are resolutions I’m afraid to fail from. I’ve done them years before but never succeeded until the end. I want to succeed. I want that motivation. I will succeed.

As cliché sounding this blog is, I don’t care. It’s self empowering knowing that I have goals and I’m willing to do them. I guess this is one of the perks of having a blog.

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