The Very Model of a Modern Exec-Technical

The Author in her Formal Costume
I am the very model of a modern Exec-Technical
I’ve data on deliverables, agile and programmable,
I know all of the C-suite and I quote the values core to us
From happiness to scrappiness, in order of importance
I’m very well acquainted too with matters synergizable
I understand the metrics, both the simple and crossfunctional
About goal setting well you’ll see I’m teeming with a lot o’ views
With many cheerful viewpoints of the value of year-end reviews
I’m very good at programming and services distributed
I know the hacker news take on the latest trend exhibited
In short in matters technical, delivery or agile
I am the very model of a modern Exec-Technical.
I know our mythic history, Lady Ada’s and Sir Zuckerburg’s
I grill my candidates hard, I’ve a pretty taste for brain teasers,
I quote in deep pedantics why a manhole cover is not square
Idiots who do not know will not get hired anywhere
I can tell a proper Paxos from a Raft or a half-working ZAB
I know the algorithm to efficiently traverse a DAG
Then I can code a DB which I’ve only read the paper for
And fix your data pipeline written in some nonsense Perl 4
Then I can write a user story perfect for the product team
And tell you every detail of the current DevOps strategy
In short in matters technical, delivery or agile
I am the very model of a modern Exec-Technical.
In fact, when I know what is meant by CLV and KPI
When I can tell at sight a founder-CEO from hoodied-boy
When such affairs as funding rounds and raises I’m more wary at,
And when I know precisely what is meant by “convertible debt”
When I have learnt to value boring tech instead of reinvent,
When I know more of markets relevant to more than one percent,
In short, when I’ve a smattering of elemental strategy
You’ll make me partner at your fund because then I’ll be a VC
For my business knowledge, though I’m nerdy and from CMU
Has only come from tech crunch, HN comments, and some reddit too
But still in matters technical, delivery and agile
I am the very model of a modern Exec-Technical.

With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan

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