i feel like there’s no point in telling anyone anything that is happening inside me
I’m sorry for the times I can’t save you because I’m busy drowning too.
I don’t want to be a burden.
I stopped ranting and telling other people what is happening inside this body. I used to think that sharing would lighten the load, but I realized that everyone else is carrying their own invisible weights.
I hold back because I don’t want to add to your load. I see you fighting your own battles, and I don’t want to be another thing you have to worry about.
I don’t know how many “I’m okay”s this mouth has said when someone’s asking me. I will always say I’m okay, and my life has been okay. I thought it was the right thing to do, to spare others from my darkness.
We all walk around with smiles that don’t quite reach our eyes, laughter that sounds a bit forced. We’re all masters of disguise, aren’t we?
I’ve always been the one to listen, to offer a shoulder, to say, “I’m here for you.” But when it comes to my own struggles, I vanish. I build walls and put up barriers, not wanting to be a burden. I convince myself that my pain is insignificant, that it doesn’t matter.
Yet, there’s a part of me that longs to be seen, to be heard, and to be understood. A part of me that wishes I could find the courage to say, “I’m not okay.”
But vulnerability is terrifying.
The thought of being exposed, of having my wounds laid bare for all to see, is enough to make me shrink back into my shell.
So, I stay silent. I bear my burden alone, hoping that maybe one day, things will get better. That one day, I’ll find the strength to reach out, to let someone in, to share our burdens without fear and without shame. Until then, I’ll keep pretending, keep smiling, keep saying, “I’m okay.”
“How’s life? How’s you?”
“I’m okay, how about you?”
