The Voice of Drew Magary
In honor of Deadspin, perhaps the most magnificent sports blog of its time, I will be highlighting the work and voice of Drew Magary. Last week, along with the vast majority of his colleagues, Mr. Magary resigned from Deadspin in protest of corporate mandates to only write about sports-related topics and eliminate the cultural, political, comedic, and often silly blogs the website was notable for publishing. It was one of my go-to bookmarked pages, and its fall from grace at the hands of soul-sucking white-collar micromanagers was a true loss for the sports blogging field. Mr. Magary, who grew from an active public commenter to Senior Writer, has a very distinct voice and exceptional writing talent. Most importantly, he is also a Chopped Champion and all-around solid person by most accounts.
The voice of Drew Magary is irreverent and absurd yet somehow grounded in moral clarity. For example, take his annual diatribe against a home holiday staple, “The 2017 Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalogue.” On its face, it’s concept is obnoxious, and Mr. Magary leans into the absurdity with evident glee, penning lines like “SAVOR THIS FINE CRANBERRY LOAF” and “You listen to me, Williams-Sonoma: There will NEVER be a fondueassaince.” Indeed, there may be no writer on Earth more adept at using capitalization for voice than Drew Magary.
At the surface level, such phrasing and emphasis might be challenging to take seriously, but the absurdity of both the phrasing and concept highlights, among other things, the ludicrousness of elitism and the laziness of consumerism. Yes, this rant on The Williams-Sonoma Holiday Catalogue is certainly sarcastic, witty, and every other adjective generally ordained upon clever bloggers. However, what sets it apart is the commitment to the joke and the specificity of the target.
Take, for example, a rant about a $3,700 coffee machine. It ranges from shock at the price cost (“It better dispense, like, bitcoins”) to socioeconomic commentary (“For the richest of the rich shall not be appeased until the whole world is their countertop”) to comedic hyperbole (“Whatever the top brew strength is, it better turn me into Spider-Man”). In the space of a paragraph, Mr. Magary mocks Williams Sonoma for trying to sell the 1% on overpriced coffee while still maintaining self-awareness, quick pacing, and irreverent humor. It accomplishes more by zeroing in on a single example of excess (or, taking the article as a whole, a single catalog of excess) than lesser writers could accomplish by commenting on superyachts. In addition to providing some laughs, the direct and brutal mockery of Williams-Sonoma products makes you reanalyze your personal interpretation of catalogs, consumerism, income inequality, and marketing. Why, exactly, do you need to spend $50 on Pineapple cocktail picks? Why does anybody spend $50 on Pineapple cocktail picks? Should such extortion be allowed? Is The Williams-Sonoma Catalogue a prime example of the moral, capitalism-driven consumerist rot denigrating The meaning of Christmas in the name of high profit margins and overpriced coffee? Oh, definitely.
Another side to Mr. Magary’s voice is his moral clarity, which has been honed over the years through his weekly advice column known as Funbag. It steals the formatting of classic advice columns, but instead of highlighting melodramatic relationships or the issues of the day, it focuses on the mundane. What are the accurate Degrees of Raining? Where’s the worst place on your body to put sunglasses when you’re not wearing them? How should Onions be Ranked? You know, the real questions. Funbag specializes in breaking down the awkwardness and arbitrary nature of sports, masculinity, socializing, food, growing up, and any topic that happens to be broached by a Funbag reader.
Part of the humor derives from its style, as Mr. Magary casts himself as the one hot-take artist to rule them all. Additionally, utilizing the historically feminine advice-column from and applying it to topics men obnoxiously obsess over brings insightful ironies amidst the takes. His voice is authoritative yet childish; another trope designed to mock men who act as if they know everything when, as Funbag demonstrates, they too need to ask strangers for advice on what some might view as minor or straightforward issues.
The best of Funbag is captured in one of the more serious weekly columns, “There’s Not Enough Crying In Sports.” In response to the opening question, Mr. Magary responds with a full-throated statement in support of crying over sports. “If you’re anti-crying,” he writes in a confrontational manner, “you’re just being a macho dipshit.” The insult comedy (“Gimme all the sad Tennessee bros in their boat shoes. I want those fans crying like they’re about to throw themselves onto a coffin being lowered into the ground”) is deftly balanced with the profound (“If it matters to someone, it matters. That emotional investment is what gives sports its heft”). The hyperbole about SEC Football Fans brought the honest insight about sports into focus, allowing it to land more authentically. Additionally, the ‘Tennessee bros’ sentence is much longer and rambling than his more definitive statements, a trick Mr. Magary often utilizes to make his relatively short statements seem more objective then they actually are.
Other questions submitted and answered in the “Crying in Sports” column discuss lighter fare. Mr. Magary faces uses repetitive train-of-thought questioning to explore his own insecurities after being asked about the correct direction to hang closet clothing hangers. Another reader wanted to know if peeing in a private backyard is appropriate behavior (“Despite my anxieties, I still relish pissing outside and wish I could do it more often,” replied Mr. Magary and a largely supportive response). Again, taking the ridiculous questions seriously while mocking the overly-serious masculinity of most sports-adjacent content lays bare the toxicity apparent in the greater sports mediaverse. Also, it just makes for a funny read, which never hurts.
Drew Magary’s Funbag blog, which was hosted on Deadspin’s “Adequate Man” sub-blog, is likely either canceled or on hold for an indefinite amount of time due to his recent righteous resignation. On a brighter note, the 2019 Hater’s Guide to the William-Sonoma Catalog is apparently in the works. Mr. Magary also has an active Medium account for further reading, should you like to explore his style and voice further. Please support bloggers like Drew, lest the Internet become polluted with Buzzfeed clones and meaningless content. Stay curious, and never let yourself be forced to ‘Stick to Sports’ in the name of corporate mandates. Also, never buy anything from Williams-Sonoma; on behalf of Drew, I promise you it’s never worth it.
