Euphemisms for Menstruation If It Happened to Men
Women are expected to whisper about “that time of the month,” but I’m pretty sure it would be a different story if men had to deal with painful monthly genital hemorrhaging. With my sincere apologies to all men. I guess.
· Spittin’ blood
· The gorefest
· Crimson tsunami
· Jock drip
· Seeping Tom
· A visit from Uncle Peter in which he pounds me in the gut repeatedly
· Wounded snake
· Streaming via MyTube
· Crampaggedon
· The monthly legal day off
· Bloodjaculation
· Creating dick rubies
· Wielding the Sith Saber
· Bandaged slug
· On the sock
· Mr. Johnson’s got ebola
· Crotch massacre
· Cock carnage
· Decapitated rooster
· Vomiting mosquito
· Rabid crotch-daschund
· Sticky wicket
· Badly thrown lawn dart
· “These cramps are no joke and you can fuck yourself if you think I’m getting out of bed”
· Time to make the donut jelly
· Happy Horrordays
· Jack the Dripper
· Rusty tool/Rusty pipe/Rusty hammer
· Whipping up some Russian dressing [for when ejaculating while menstruating]
· Leaking secrets [for when one refrains from telling a sex partner yet another relevant fact during sex]
· Sausage slitch
· Cherry flute
· Squirting strawberry slurry
· The rage booster
· Gore-hosing
· Dangling chestburster
· The reason we are stronger than women (aside from our ability to birth a child)
