Euphemisms for Menstruation If It Happened to Men

Image by S.T. Kruglnska

· Spittin’ blood

· The gorefest

· Crimson tsunami

· Jock drip

· Seeping Tom

· A visit from Uncle Peter in which he pounds me in the gut repeatedly

· Wounded snake

· Streaming via MyTube

· Crampaggedon

· The monthly legal day off

· Bloodjaculation

· Creating dick rubies

· Wielding the Sith Saber

· Bandaged slug

· On the sock

· Mr. Johnson’s got ebola

· Crotch massacre

· Cock carnage

· Decapitated rooster

· Vomiting mosquito

· Rabid crotch-daschund

· Sticky wicket

· Badly thrown lawn dart

· “These cramps are no joke and you can fuck yourself if you think I’m getting out of bed”

· Time to make the donut jelly

· Happy Horrordays

· Jack the Dripper

· Rusty tool/Rusty pipe/Rusty hammer

· Whipping up some Russian dressing [for when ejaculating while menstruating]

· Leaking secrets [for when one refrains from telling a sex partner yet another relevant fact during sex]

· Sausage slitch

· Cherry flute

· Squirting strawberry slurry

· The rage booster

· Gore-hosing

· Dangling chestburster

· The reason we are stronger than women (aside from our ability to birth a child)