Euphemisms for Menstruation If It Happened to Men

Suzen Tekla Kruglnska
Jun 20 · 2 min read

Women are expected to whisper about “that time of the month,” but I’m pretty sure it would be a different story if men had to deal with painful monthly genital hemorrhaging. With my sincere apologies to all men. I guess.

· Spittin’ blood

· The gorefest

· Crimson tsunami

· Jock drip

· Seeping Tom

· A visit from Uncle Peter in which he pounds me in the gut repeatedly

· Wounded snake

· Streaming via MyTube

· Crampaggedon

· The monthly legal day off

· Bloodjaculation

· Creating dick rubies

· Wielding the Sith Saber

· Bandaged slug

· On the sock

· Mr. Johnson’s got ebola

· Crotch massacre

· Cock carnage

· Decapitated rooster

· Vomiting mosquito

· Rabid crotch-daschund

· Sticky wicket

· Badly thrown lawn dart

· “These cramps are no joke and you can fuck yourself if you think I’m getting out of bed”

· Time to make the donut jelly

· Happy Horrordays

· Jack the Dripper

· Rusty tool/Rusty pipe/Rusty hammer

· Whipping up some Russian dressing [for when ejaculating while menstruating]

· Leaking secrets [for when one refrains from telling a sex partner yet another relevant fact during sex]

· Sausage slitch

· Cherry flute

· Squirting strawberry slurry

· The rage booster

· Gore-hosing

· Dangling chestburster

· The reason we are stronger than women (aside from our ability to birth a child)

Suzen Tekla Kruglnska

Written by

Freelance writer, editor, and podcaster (The Shining 2:37). I have confidence in ME! (Just kidding.)