Why a Matriarchy Would Suck

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Image by S.T. Kruglnska

NB: Written right after Kavanaugh was sworn into the Supreme Court.

· The Supreme Court would be filled with uptight nerds who frown upon sexual predation.

· Conciliatory approach to politics = incredibly boring C-SPAN.

· Less crime means less crime podcasts.

· Having to use the word “humankind” instead of “mankind” would be a huge fucking inconvenience to all.

· A greater focus on children’s issues means less imagining they were never born.

· Somehow the range of conceived Supreme Beings would no longer deem fifty percent of the population less holy than the other fifty percent, leading to a worldwide imbalance of imbalance.

· The White House would almost certainly be redecorated in flowery wallpaper.

· Grammatical genders in the Romantic languages would have to be reversed. Salt being feminine? Come on.

· Men would be forced to menstruate.

· Worldwide reproductive rights → fewer humans → decrease in ability to pay slave wages to Third World children gluing together footwear → worldwide shoelessness.

· Doors would never again be politely held for anyone ever.

· Forced arranged marriage would still be a thing for young girls, but only as applied to their stuffed animal toys, as arranged by the girls themselves, making a complete farce of this sacred, age-old, traditionally cultural pedophilic institution.

· Every year, men on social media would contemplate how International Manhood Day somehow seems more depressing than celebratory.

· Children would learn about morality from priests instead of being traumatized by them, resulting in overcrowded churches with less parking space.

· The entertainment industry promoting only the most talented people in their ranks would result in an acute lack of eye-glazing garbage to run in the background as you clean.

· Who would do the genociding?

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