Why a Matriarchy Would Suck
NB: Written right after Kavanaugh was sworn into the Supreme Court.
· The Supreme Court would be filled with uptight nerds who frown upon sexual predation.
· Conciliatory approach to politics = incredibly boring C-SPAN.
· Less crime means less crime podcasts.
· Having to use the word “humankind” instead of “mankind” would be a huge fucking inconvenience to all.
· A greater focus on children’s issues means less imagining they were never born.
· Somehow the range of conceived Supreme Beings would no longer deem fifty percent of the population less holy than the other fifty percent, leading to a worldwide imbalance of imbalance.
· The White House would almost certainly be redecorated in flowery wallpaper.
· Grammatical genders in the Romantic languages would have to be reversed. Salt being feminine? Come on.
· Men would be forced to menstruate.
· Worldwide reproductive rights → fewer humans → decrease in ability to pay slave wages to Third World children gluing together footwear → worldwide shoelessness.
· Doors would never again be politely held for anyone ever.
· Forced arranged marriage would still be a thing for young girls, but only as applied to their stuffed animal toys, as arranged by the girls themselves, making a complete farce of this sacred, age-old, traditionally cultural pedophilic institution.
· Every year, men on social media would contemplate how International Manhood Day somehow seems more depressing than celebratory.
· Who would do the genociding?