Forget about big Pharma, self medicating or shady people and their “connections”.
The only important thing is you getting better. I know that you’ve tried therapy and medication, but I hope that these aren’t things that you’ve just tried. I hope that you are still pursuing therapy and supervised medication. Therapy and medication work for millions of people and it can work for you.
They won’t make everything better, but they will slowly give you the tools necessary to make things better.
I know you think how wonderful it is to be “normal”, but it is also really hard! In a lot of ways “normal” people have it easier than people with anxiety and depression, because “normal” people have certain tools that people working through anxiety and depression don’t. But with these additional tools come additional responsibilities and problems to deal with.
As you go through treatment and get better (and you will get better, it will just be slow and unnoticeable to you for a while) you’ll find that you’ll be pushed to do things that you weren’t before, because you’ll slowly gain the tools to do these things and the outlook to want to do them.
You’re personality will develop and come out more because it has the tools to do so.
This doesn’t mean you’ll be prince charming or Albert Einstein lol. You may very well be a jerk or a nincompoop. But you’ll be a healthy jerk and a healthy nincompoop. And the difference between a healthy jerk and an unhealthy jerk is that a healthy jerk isn’t a jerk 24/7. A healthy jerk is at his core a healthy person, capable of growth, change and forming connections with other people.
I wish I could say it’s going to be easy, but truth is I don’t know how easy or hard it is going to be for you.
All I know is that you have to keep trying to get better and the only way to do that is to do the work of getting therapy and getting the right medications.
“Learning” how to “pick up women” is not going to work and it definitely is not going to make you better. The things that you are going through have little to nothing to do with attracting women.
If you had a broken arm, you wouldn’t try to “heal it” by learning how to “pick up women”. So why would learning how to “pick up women” help with your anxiety and depression?
It won’t and it doesn’t.
Emotional therapy and treatment is just like physical therapy and treatment. You don’t “cure” a broken arm, you have to give the person the necessary tools for the arm to repair it self (a sling, cast etc) and then help them to slowly strengthen the arm to where it should be. And if that person stops going to therapy or getting help, then their arm won’t heal correctly. Therapy is a process and work that makes you stronger, not a “cure”.
If you are getting help, please keep doing so and work with the people who are helping you.
If you’ve stopped getting help, please start again.
Help only works when you are getting it.
The minute you stop, you stop getting better.