There is a system of racism, which rewards white people for mediocrity and punishes others for existing. This isn’t new, but the everyday practices of it adds more pressure for those who must be excellent just to survive. For those who have to deal with the entitlement and then punishments for “not being enough” in everyday scenarios. You are always enough.
As a black woman, from a very young age it was obvious to me that I had to be twice as good as my white male counterparts to get half the recognition. But as I got older, it stopped being about the recognition. I realized it was really for my own survival in a world made to beat me down, abuse my body, and force me to raise its narcissistic kids. No thank you.
But how does the perpetuation of white mediocrity get its bearing in everyday life? Let’s start with a few easy places.
- White people get coddled and spoon fed in educational institutes.
If you’ve ever been to a majority white college, you’ve seen it at least a few times. The white guy in your class, doesn’t matter which, never participates or turns in assignments. When he does take part, its to stop the class for an hour to play “devil’s advocate” because maybe the discussion wasn’t about him.
For me, there were multiple guys in every class like this. But the two that stuck out were the spacey guy from my writing class who wrote the same story for every assignment like no one would notice when we had to go around and read a piece out loud. And when asked if it was the same piece he used for this new assignment, “Nah. I changed the last line so they don’t break up.”
It was the same piece, but he still got a B for the assignment. (And for clarity, it’s still considered wrong to plagiarize yourself. Just not if you’re white.)
2. At restaurants and retail stores, assholes get rewarded with discounts and apologies.
I’ve worked in plenty of fast food and retail places and the commonality is always the entitled customers. But even when I worked as a teller in a bank, the entitlement of white people was evident.
A few times a couple came in, always demanding to have a check released early. This obviously wasn’t allowed but every time they came in they would yell and scream and verbally abuse anyone who helped them.
As I sat to the side and with no surprise, watched my manager release the hold on their check, apologized, and told them so politely, “We’re releasing the hold for you today but we won’t be able to next time.” And with a wave off and a huff, the couple left with the money they came for. They were back the next week and the same thing happened. They yelled long enough that the manger released their check again just to get them to leave.
This is a perfect example of privilege, of incompetence and entitlement. There were plenty of alternatives to having the check released early. But that couple didn’t care about the rules or the steps to follow. It didn’t matter what we suggested because, from the beginning, as long as they yelled long enough or loud enough, they would get what they came for.
3. At home white men are manipulatively incompetent and expect to get rewarded for minimal effort.
The stereotypical white male father can’t be trusted to take care of his own child or clean or cook. Can barely take care of himself without his wife to hold his hand. That’s manipulative incompetence.
Being an adult automatically gives you many responsibilities, mostly revolving around keeping yourself alive and well. Having kids only adds to the responsibilities and no one person is meant to raise a family alone. It’s not sustainable in America anymore, if it ever really was.
A father doing his daughter’s hair should be expected. Feeding and holding the baby properly while mom is in the shower should be expected. And a white man doing what the mother does everyday by herself shouldn’t be rewarded. getting the kids ready for school is excepted as a parent. If it were a black man held to the same standard, he’d be called a deadbeat.
White men need to be help to the same level of respect and responsibility as their non-white counterparts. And as a society, we could raise the bar together. The issue with this is in raising the bar, a lot of mediocre white men will fight back, get upset. “How dare you tell us that the nothing we’ve been doing and getting rich from all these years isn’t enough anymore?”
Because the privilege of mediocrity is a future investment. It’s a long game that lowers the standards further and further until anything that a white man does will be celebrated because he did it. Not because it was anything great.
So what can we do?
A person of color is expected excellence for survival. I can’t give the cure for racism or sexism or capitalism. But knowing how much it frustrates me, here are some things that help me cope with the double standards.
1. Know that their mediocrity says nothing about your worth.
Comparing yourself to the success of mediocre people isn’t fair to you. Chances are you haven’t had the same advantages. So walk your path and don’t compare.
2. All people deserve your respect just for existing. But if they don’t respect you, you are under no obligation to respect them.
Personally, I don’t see any scenario where getting berated by a customer is okay. Just remember, even if you’re a manager or a part time sales associate, you don’t have to sit there and take it. Walk away. Have someone else handle it.
At the end of the day, the moment you get yelled at by a customer, it’s time to go. Either they leave the premises (even if you need to call the cops, it’s perfectly legal to do so) or you can walk away. The trick is to not give a fuck. Especially about someone who sees you as dirt under their shoe or a victim to bully.
3. Take risks and have the same audacity.
If a white man who has only ever worked at a game store can apply as a full time professional chef at a restaurant and get an interview, you can at least apply for that job we both know you’re qualified for. Hell, even if you don’t have all the qualifications, apply if it interests you.
Have the audacity to try.
4. Give yourself grace.
Allow yourself time and space to rest and go at your own pace. Just because the world expects excellence from you doesn’t mean you have to perform it 24/7. Take time for yourself. When the world punishes you for existing, the best way you can fight back is by caring for yourself and continuing your existence for yourself.
In what ways have you noticed white mediocrity be rewarded or manipulated? How do you deal with the societal pressures of performed excellence? Tell me in the comments. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
