Flaky Friends Suck

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

7:30 a.m. This Morning: Confirmation Text

My good friend (of over six years) texted me to ask and confirm if we’re still meeting at my house for coffee this morning. I’m a bit surprised that she even remembered considering she’d already canceled and rescheduled our visit so many times in the past week that even I couldn’t keep up with whether we’re meeting or not.

I texted back with muted excitement, “Of course! I’m looking forward to it!”. And she quickly texted back, “Me too! See you soon!”.

I went ahead and made extra coffee in the pot for our visit. And then I put on some mascara and under eye concealer which normally I wouldn’t do unless I’m leaving the house.


Fast Forward 30 minutes later . . .

She texts me a novel length message saying “I can’t make it after all. Yada. Yada. Yada.” I sigh to myself. Rolling my eyes. Wondering how in the world she actually thinks I believe her once (no twice or was it three times?) again. She goes on about how yet again some suddenly pressing matter came up at the very last minute which could easily be resolved but somehow it was too dire for her to be able to make it. Again.

Now before you think I’m just a callous bitch who isn’t flexible with her schedule, let me remind you that this is not the first time she’s pulled this.

It’s the third time in less than a week.

And did I mention that getting together was her idea to begin with? That we’ve planned each time and day around her schedule? And that this is the THIRD time in less than 7 days that she’s done this! At. the. last. minute.


Fast Forward to Now . . .

I’ve moved on with my morning. I’ve got plenty of things to do. But to be completely honest with you, this really hurts and disappoints me.

She’s what I consider to be a good friend. Hell, we’ve talked numerous times about how we’re much more like sisters.

But I am dazed and confused as to why she constantly push and pulls like this.

And to be clear, we have actually met and hung out. And when we do, we truly love hanging out together. You can’t get us to shut up. We have talked non-stop for literally six hours (which felt more like two or three).

We LOVE hanging out together. And we talk about everything under the sun.

So, I’m completely lost as to why she makes plans and texts me about how excited she is to be seeing each other and then drops our plans at the very last minute. She drops more plans than she keeps them.

And what makes it even harder is she’ll come around and reconnect after it’s been YEARS that I haven’t heard from her. She’ll make and keep plans with me solidly for a couple of months and then drop off the face of the Earth.

I understand that shit happens and things come up. But when it’s constantly happening to the point that I can now predict the behavior with near accuracy, it makes me wonder. . .

What the hell? What the actual hell is up with this?

Does she not realize the damage that she’s doing to our friendship? Is she really that clueless?


It all Boils Down to This

I’ve come to two conclusions on what’s going on with her (and other flaky people who seem to care yet don’t show up). They either have a serious problem prioritizing their time (their life) or you’re just not that important to them.

But even further, I think that in my case, it’s simply that she takes me (our friendship) for granted. Always believing that I’ll be there whenever and wherever she needs me. That I’ll always understand and give her a free pass.

But sadly, I’m coming to the end of my free pass. Eventually, enough is enough. And it honestly comes down her lack of respect of me and my time. I’m not saying that I’ve never been late or haven’t rescheduled our plans. But I don’t make a habit out of it. I don’t make it a common practice.

I cherish our time together and I honor our busy lives.

That’s what real friends do.

So maybe it’s time that I re-evaluate our friendship. Maybe it’s time that I stop making someone a priority who isn’t doing the same for me. And stop being such a pushover.

I know one thing. This experience has made me treasure my stable friends even more. And be thankful for those that actually show up in my life and make an effort to be a part of it.

And I hope that one day, she’ll do the same.