I Finally Left My Abusive Marriage
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I did it. . . I left my abusive marriage.
A month ago.
It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Especially since in some weird, twisted way (trauma bonding) I still love him. I had to literally drag myself up out of our house and fight every urge to stay.
It wasn’t all bad. But it was bad enough.
You might be wondering how I ended up in a such a horrible situation. I know I used to wonder how women could be so stupid and end up in these kinds of situations. But abusive men don’t always go for stupid people. Many of them actually target bright, beautiful, intelligent women looking for a way in — just like a predator. Narcissistic abusers are especially drawn to the brightest and best they can find. They view their victims as a reflection on them and they need someone to uphold their ever-hungry egos. So if you’re interested in what turn of events led me here, you might want to read The Invisible Abuse of Narcissism, Part 2 first.
The type of abuse I endured was the worse kind known as Narcissistic Abuse. It’s silent, unseen, and sometimes deadly. It wasn’t abusive in a physical way (unless you count the holes he punched in the wall and doors occasionally). It was insidious and a slow bake of my emotional state.
It was more emotional, mental, verbal, and psychological which is almost worst because there’s no actual physical proof.
Nothing to show the cops or friends or family. The cops seemed very uninterested in any type of abuse that didn’t involve actual physical signs of abuse on my body. Somehow, the invisible damage that was done to my mind is much more acceptable.
The constant anxiety, heart palpitations, fear, and trepidation I felt on an almost daily basis. Isolation. Constant crazy-making. Jekyll and Hyding. Sweet then mean. Then sweet again.
If they could look on the inside of me they’d see all of my bruises.
Every. single. one.
So back to the story. . .
I finally left my abusive husband. I finally got the guts to pick up and go. And I felt (feel) so absolutely alone. Completely alone on a new scary frontier.
As I sit feeling broken and scared, I’m wondering how I ended up here. At this crossroads in my life. This deep sadness on the brink of insanity.
You might be thinking “Well, why did you marry him?” “Didn’t you see the signs?” Yes. Yes, I did. But by the time I figured him out, it was too late. He already had me trapped emotionally, mentally, and financially.
But that’s a long story. . .
Let’s just say that I had no idea what I was in for when I met him. And he didn’t come with red flags hanging off of his clothes to warn me.
When we met, I was a strong, happily independent woman beginning to get my life back on track. He swooped in and treated me with respect, took me on dates, loved me, took care of me — everything I had ever wanted.
It was a story similar to Beauty and the Beast, except my beast never turned back into the charming, loving prince that he started out to be. He just stayed the Beast who occasionally brought out the charm when it got him what he wanted. He wasn’t always that way (trust me).
So if you’re in a similar situation, just know that you have to power within you to do the same.
You are strong enough to follow my footsteps and LEAVE.
You may become temporarily broke, alone, unsure of your future. But it’s a whole lot better than being stuck in a invisible cage of abuse.
You are not alone. You can make it. All you have to do is walk out that door and never look back. . .
Reach out to family and friends for help. There’s more kind people out there than you realize who will gladly take your hand and help you walk out that door.
There is plenty of information and help available on YouTube and in books. All you have to do is gather what little bit of strength you have left and fight for your right to be happy and free.
I wrote this for you. To let you know that happiness is possible and
YOU. ARE. WORTH. IT.
