The less you have to concern yourself with thoughts of how you are going to pay your bills, stay in school or stay healthy — the more you think about all the small things. All the 1st world problems you face.

We all know it and we have all caught ourselves thinking or even saying, “Ugh, it’s SO annoying when I want to watch Netflix and my WiFi connection is too slow!”. Or “Seriously Apple, make your cables longer, so I can lie in bed and play Candy Crush while charging my iPhone!”

This is no crime against humanity. We all relate the seriousness of our problems to our current situation and complaining about material things or even the weather conditions simply indicate that our lives are basically pretty fucking good. And that’s a good thing, remembering that the reason you are complaining about the small things means that the bigger things like health, stability, living arrangements and security are all more or less under controle. I never blame people for complaining about their 1st world problems, as long as it in the long run helps them remember the good things they posses in life.

But having these thoughts is also where it becomes difficult. At least it does for me. Recognizing that I am fundamentally happy makes me very sad. Why me? Why am I born into the life I am born into, when so many other kids are born into complete and utter misery? We are no different from one another and yet they struggle with life and death decisions on a daily basis. How is that fair?

Well, it isn’t fair. It’s not fair at all and no one is saying that it is — I know that. But that doesn’t help on my profound sadness, because it seems that we can all agree on the fact that it’s not fair, and we all talk about how horrible the situation is in CAR or in Syria, because we just saw it on the news. We all agree that every person deserves the same opportunities in life and should be treated equally to the next person. We all respect and agree with the regulations concerning Human Rights and condemn the leaders of the world, who don’t follow them. But the interest goes away as we flip the channel. We might discuss it during dinner. We might even contribute a symbolic amount of money to an organization. And we still care — but what is the value of “care” for the child dying on the other side of the world?

We call ourselves globalists and international individualists, but how can we really be label ourselves as “global” when our focus is only local. How can we claim to wish for world peace, when what we REALLY thrive for is peace around us. If we really believe that we as human beings are all equal and deserves the same opportunities to live a life without a fundamental fear of starving and dying (just to mention the less fatal ones — think about rape, torture, condemnation, loneliness) how can we not dedicate more than caring?

How can I be fundamentally happy, when the world that I live in and take part in shaping, looks like this?

And just to make it more complex — how much of a sad victim am I even allowed to try and personify with a clear conscience, when I myself only struggle with the so called 1st world problems? Is it spoiled to not enjoy the life that I have, because someone else is doing worse, or is it insightful?

I still don’t know, but I hope for the latter…