What My Ex Says About Me to the New Guy

When my relationship with my ex turned out to be a gem

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

Catching up for lunch today with an ex-boyfriend while he was in town visiting some relatives, we got to talking about our love lives. One of the many times I am glad I live in Melbourne was when he was talking about the logistics of having sex with a trans person and the waitress — overhearing the whole thing — just smiled as she served our coffee.

“I was seeing someone — well, one date, but I did really like him — and he sort of rejected me. I’m actually sad.” I told my ex, hearing the surprise and hurt in my own voice.

He raised his eyebrow at me, “You’re surprised that you’re sad?”

“Well yeah, it was one date. I didn’t know him enough to feel sad at a rejection. But, I do feel sad.” I confessed.

My ex laughed, “Fair enough.”

I nodded. He met my eyes. Laughed again.

“What?” I asked, feeling frustrated by his chuckling, unsure if it was at my expense.

“It’s just funny when you talk about you being rejected. I always feel, bad for the guy.” He told me.

“I’m the sad one. You’re not listening!” I objected.

He laughed a bit more and tried to control himself as I gave him the stink eye. “No, I hear you. I just — you’re so great, and I feel bad for any man who can’t see that.”

I was silent, staring at him. I didn’t tell him that once upon a time — a decade ago — he hadn’t seen that either. I just stared. And waited. Letting the silence grow fat between us as I sipped my coffee.

“I should introduce him to you then. Maybe a little chat with my ex could set him straight.” I said, unable to let the silence grow anymore.

He chuckled. “I couldn’t be the only one. You said ____ has been calling you a lot lately, and what about that guy last year?”

I raised my eyebrow at his comment. “You were always good at stroking my ego. ‘All the boys want you!’ Right when I’m in the sads because one doesn’t.”

“But, we do. We’re just too stupid to see it right away.” He told me.

“A fatal flaw,” I said, rolling my eyes.

He nodded. “It is. But anyway — get these guys to hit me up, and all the other guys you’ve dated before they make the decision to reject you. I can guarantee you — they won’t then.”

It’s an interesting concept, introducing someone you’re seeing to your ex or exes and having them tell your current romantic interest how wonderful you are and how much of a mistake they’d be making if they threw the towel in like your ex(es) did. Sounds like a huge ego trip with a lot of potential for opening old wounds, but, I don’t think I’d mind talking to the exes of someone I was dating if they had mostly good things to say, and even if they had a few bad things to say. What should I look out for with this guy/girl would be just as valuable as knowing all the good things about them which you’d hope I’d already noticed.

Food for thought. What would your ex say about you?