The Mass Extinction of Sex, Love, and Dating

Something I was thinking about on my way to grab my usual medium americano with an extra shot this morning: how society has warped sexuality and sexual energy.

From a primal and innate standpoint, humans are sexual beings. We were given this natural and normal response toward the opposite sex, to quite literally reproduce. There is a natural gravitation toward someone that you are attracted to.

Yet somehow through the years, the buttoned up nature of what society has become has detracted from that all natural get down. Anywhere outside of your home you are expected to be cordial, say certain things, and most importantly to my point, NOT say certain things. The peer pressure of those around us and the constant check into what is considered normal and non confrontational, has sucked the sexual energy out of our bodies. We have so long suppressed these inner drives and desires in which human beings started with and grew with, that we have evolved to no longer wear these natural inner drives on our sleeves. Our sex drives have become dormant. People are having less sex, and mental health is at an all time high, coincidence? I think not.

Technology doesn’t exactly help one find prince charming either. It has given us all a platform to find an endless amount of potential soulmates through different social media and dating sites, yet somehow we aren’t content? Our attention span has grown short through this constant gratification and reassurance that someone approves of us (matches on Tinder, follows on Facebook, etc.) that we cannot simply be content with one person? Now that we have all experienced that constant reassurance day after day, we have become addicted to it. It’s too easy to meet new people and to convince yourself that the next best thing is on the horizon.

It’s like buying material possessions. They never really touch you or make you content like experiencing something of substance would. The system has become rigged, yet we have not evolved far enough into this new era of technology to shed these expectations of love and happiness. We’re chasing the past, when really we should be observing these new surroundings and looking toward the future.

Take myself for example. I’m self aware enough to know that I am an above average looking, 6’4 male with an athletic build. There have been quite a few women through the years that I know I could date/hook up with. Yet somehow my motivation to jump through the hoops to do so isn’t there? My sex drive and inner desires are at an all time high, yet something with how dating and relationships are structured combined with the standards you are held to along the way these days completely kills my drive? It feels rigid, monotonous, and boring to me.

The standards and expectations that have been built up over the years defining how you need to act, what you need to say, and where you need to go to get the opposite sex to accept you makes me sick. I simply value my own time more than I do the sunken time it would take to take out and court a girl. And to be honest I’m at the age where that is completely acceptable. I feel it will be an advantage that I have over others that have succumbed to the pressures to find someone as time rolls on because I didn’t waste countless weekends, nights, and dollars keeping a girl entertained so that she might decide to have sex with me at the end of the night.

I’ll go on the record and say that if a girl that I genuinely found attractive came my way I wouldn’t hesitate to sink some time to have that experience with her. But that is in fact the catch: girls above a certain caliber do not simply come ones way. You have to go out of your way to court them (because society has shown them that the demand for their company is high enough to where many men will do so). It’s all about supply and demand people. The people of higher status and attraction have the higher demand for their time, therefore you must pay the premium. Meanwhile, the ones with less attraction and buzz around them are much more readily available and will let you know that. I am not being an asshole people, this is at it’s core the way the world works.

Life is not a fairy tale. It isn’t always going to play out like the movies, and it sure as hell isn’t going to show any sympathy when it smacks you in the face. The sooner that people realize that seeking love and approval for someone else cannot be done before they seek love and approval for themselves, the sooner

The system is broken. Until it is fixed (which it will never be so long as technology and globalization continues to accelerate), I am completely content with saving my time, money, and energy for myself. This is no longer the days of chivalry and the finer things. It’s a fast paced world, and maybe it’s time we examine the shift in reality and adjust our expectations of romance accordingly.

Maybe knowing too much about this kind of thing destroys the chances of being fooled. Maybe I’m thinking too far into it. Or maybe I’m simply observing what history has left for us to observe, and looking around me at what is going on. Maybe I choose not to have love goggles on at all times, hoping for a magical girl to come and sweep me off my feet. Maybe I realize that love has been overvalued throughout the years, and been turned into this impossible standard in the mind of those around us.

Either way, life is short. Some choose to take that sentiment and settle for someone they hope will bring them happiness. I take that sentiment and use it as the drive that steers me everyday toward the person that I really want to be in the future. To each their own.