#SaturdaySeven Vol. 10- Amusement Parks
Each Saturday we break down the top seven of something, based completely on subjective, opinionated criteria.

I may have only been seven years old, but I knew one thing for sure: Lee Williams was pissed. Maryland-based, Wild World, was one of the first amusement parks I can remember as a child and The Wild One, a rickety wooden coaster, was their crown jewel. My recollection of the wait time that blazing summer day was at least an hour, which in kids time might as well have been a full day. As my father and I serpentined through the queue, I recall hearing the screams of adults, the loud grinding of the lift chain on the opening hill and the thumping of my heart. When we finally arrived to the loading station I froze and refused to budge. My father waited in line for an absurd amount of time only to have his son on the verge of tears and terrified of a ride. My bad, Pops.
My coaster-riding career evolved after that incident. Despite a slight (OK, large) fear of heights, one of my favorite things on the planet is riding the tallest, fastest, wildest rides possible. I have been fortunate enough to see a lot of amusement parks over the years and consider myself a mini-connoisseur of sorts. The criteria for this week’s list is heavily rooted in thrill rides. I do not have children, so parks that cater toward them suffer in the rankings. Number of coasters, wait-time management, park layout, food/drink options, cleanliness and ambiance are all contributing factors.
When five is not enough and ten is too many, I present the tenth weekly installment of #SaturdaySeven. This is less a “ranking” than just a list of handpicked favorites, but #7 will always be considered the “top.” The lists will frequently be somewhat random and niche. You can find last week’s list here. Up next: Top Amusement Parks.
(Note: I have not been to every park in the country or world, so if you have a place that you love and I left it off, leave a comment!)

- JUST missed: Canada’s Wonderland (some international flavor here, unfortunately I visited this park over 20 years ago and while I had an amazing experience, I have not been recent enough to put it in the Seven), Hersheypark (more than just delicious candy, this park comes strong with several unique coasters), Schlitterbahn (this massive Texas waterpark has the greatest “lazy” river of all-time, shooting you through rapids) and Six Flags America (remember The Wild One coaster from earlier? It’s still here! Wild World later became a member of the Six Flags family and just barely misses the list).

- Busch Gardens (Williamsburg, VA and Tampa, FL) These parks check every box of our criteria, with a slight nod going to the Virginia location (home state bias). Apollo’s Chariot is one of the top coasters in the world and the grounds — and beer — are always impeccable in these parks.

2. Six Flags Great Adventure (Jackson, NJ) Its proximity to Philadelphia and New York City in the most densely populated state in the country does make crowding problematic here, but…KINGDA KA AND EL TORO. Two of the top 10 coasters of all-time for me and worth any wait.

3. Kings Dominion (Doswell, VA) With a collection of some of the most unique roller coasters in the land, this Virginian classic is often forgotten on top amusement park lists, which is criminal. Volcano is underrated, Intimidator 305 is properly rated and The Grizzly still scares me.

4. Walt Disney Parks (Orlando, FL and Anaheim, CA) This is a slight cheat by grouping six parks together (and leaving out the international locations), so we’ll do a quick ranking, “best” to “not as good” (no “worst” when talking Disney; I wanna work for ESPN one day): Hollywood Studios (full disclosure- I did an internship there in college), Magic Kingdom (the classic), California Adventure (the most adult-friendly of all Disney parks; booze on deck everywhere), Epcot (also good for those of age), Animal Kingdom (great for kids and Expedition Everest is the second-best coaster in all of Disney) and Disneyland (if you’ve been to Magic Kingdom, no need to ever go here).

5. Universal’s Islands of Adventure (Orlando, FL) A park that was built specifically to appeal to thrill-seekers, this gem is packed with creative and movie-themed attractions. The Harry Potter world garners the most attention, but Dueling Dragons is the best coaster. The Spider-Man attraction still holds up two decades after inception.

6. Six Flags Magic Mountain (Valencia, CA) Very tempted to place this at the top spot. Magic Mountain has a world record 19(!!!) roller coasters on its grounds. Steel, wooden, both — they have it all. Twisted Colossus is arguably the best ride in America right now and this park’s only drawback is the wicked heat that engulfs most of the summer.

*SEVEN* Cedar Point (Sandusky, OH) In spite of its corny, “America’s Roller Coast” nickname, Cedar Point is the gold standard for amusement park enthusiasts looking for the greatest coasters. No less than seven of its coasters are on top lists and the park does a great job of trend-setting for the industry. It was named “Best Amusement Park in the World” by Amusement Today 16 consecutive times and also boasts the highest number of rides for any park, at 71. Drawbacks? Well, it’s in northwestern Ohio and closed 1/4 of the year. Still, the pros outweigh the cons and the coasters outweigh the tears of terror from Afro’d seven year olds making their old man wait in line, only to pump fake. Ride on.
