Widow

poetic look at life as a 26 year old widow

don’t sit me down
clear the room
dont bring me tea
offer me food
don’t ask me to prepare my self
don’t ask me if I want to see
I dont understand what you mean

— I didnt know you were going to die

*

the blood stain confirmation
that you are really gone
is the second devastation
of my week
I have failed you again

— you would have been a great dad

*

fuck fate
fuck he’s in a better place now
fuck praying for me
fuck God’s amazing plan
fuck moving on
fuck it’s only been a year
fuck plenty more fish in the sea
fuck sad looks and linger hugs

— come back

*

Everytime I see the
marriage
baby
graduation
promtion
of one of your friends
rage burns through my soul

*

the first time you met her
you told me you loved her
we talked about starting a family

for the first time
im glad you’re dead
that you didn’t have to see
why is she gone?
is she with you?
keep her safe

— another life ended too soon

*

I want us back
not the us we were
or could have been
I want the us we have become
the nostaligic
rose-tinted
always-smiling
never-angry
us

— perfected by death