To My Baby Brother On His 5th Birthday

Dear Bubba,

Funny how “bubba” has been the nickname I gave you from when you were 2 days old and roughly 1825 days later that hasn’t changed. In all honesty, that’s the only thing that hasn’t changed in the last 5 years.

I remember the day you born as if it was yesterday. Cringe all you like at that but I can honestly tell you about that day from the moment I opened my eyes that morning to when I shut them again that night. It’s the only day I remember fully.

I actually thought I was content with my life before you were born. Blissfully unaware to how empty it truly was. Mum, Dad, your brother and I used to talk about the future without even the faintest mention of a 5th member joining us. Anyone could’ve asked me if I ever saw myself becoming an older sister to 2 boys and the answer would’ve been no. I’m so glad I was wrong.

You were born healthy and on your due date at 10am (unlike me) on the hottest day of the year. At 12:30 I got a text from our aunt congratulating me on your birth followed by a phonecall from a cousin from his work phone at 1:43 and another text at 3:22 from our uncle. Believe it or not neither Mum nor Dad actually told me until I got home at 5 that afternoon about you. Once i got home i was pretty much shoved into a car with a slice of pizza in hand and rushed to the hospital to see you. I swear from the moment I layed my eyes on your little pink face, I fell in love. Even more so when you tightly gripped my little finger.

You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You won’t ever know it but you pulled me through my darkest days. You were there for me when I was at my worst. You made me believe that no matter what happened, I’d be okay. Don’t ask me how you did it, because I honestly don’t know. You’re my saviour. A little bundle of happiness just waiting to explode and show the world your light. Yes you’ve made me cry out of pain and joy when you’ve screamed words I know you don’t mean at me in a tantrum and started school but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’d change nothing about you. From your chicken legs and brown birthmark on your right eyebrow (which I pray you never become insecure about) to your current Angry Birds obsession and getting me to take selfies with you, I would change absolutely nothing.

If there’s one thing that I’ve tried to teach you in the last 5 years (except when to say “please” and “thank you”, which I take full credit for) it’s that you should never give up even if the going gets tough and that if it does get tough, I’m here for you. Sounds stupid saying that to a 5 year old doesn’t it? But you’re not an average 5 year old, you’re you. And you’ve already dealt with so much in your short life so far. You probably don’t remember this but there was one night I broke down and it’s as if you telepathically knew I needed you. You walked into my room, climbed into my bed and just hugged me. At 2am. You were only 3 years old. I have never seen anyone look at me the way you did that night with that much pain in their eyes followed by the words “please stop crying and smile, I love you”. It was from that night onwards I promised myself that I’d stay strong no matter what, just for you. I promised I’d always be there for you and protect you at all costs. I also promised myself that I’d teach you how become strong and independent so you could carry yourself through life.

I just hope I’ve done the right thing for you. And I’m sorry for any pain I’ve caused you, bubba.

I still feel like I’m new at the whole being an older sister role model thing even though I’ve been an older sibling since I was 2 and a half. Please just know I’m trying my hardest to be the best older sister I can be. Because you deserve that.

Thankyou for being my bestfriend, my world and the best little brother I could ask for.

I love you more than I thought was ever possible and that grows every single day.

Have the best 5th birthday ever, here’s to many more to come.

Love,

Your Sister

xxx

PS. I saved up and bought you the Batman Gotham City Jail you’ve been wanting for the past year, enjoy.

PPS. Please stop growing up so fast

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