Emotional Terrorists…I Mean Babies
I finally get it now. I get why people have babies. My close friend had a baby and I recently met her and fell so deeply in love. I saw her little face, I held her (she is the softest thing that’s ever existed), and even though she spit up on me a couple of times… I got it almost instantly. Is there something about turning 28 that makes you notice babies finally? Well, it’s distracting.

And maybe it’s super dumb, and maybe our world is dying, and bringing new life into it in the hope of making it just a bit better is simply a cover for a deep-seeded biological need to fling our genetic material into the ether in an effort not to be forgotten. Sorry… Either way, I get it now, the emotional bit at least; as best a non-parent can.

Honestly, what this has made me most aware of is how ungrateful we are as children. People always say this but it really is SO TRUE. We are so ungrateful for all our parents do for us and have done for us. We are ungrateful because we do not yet understand what it takes to be a parent; the emotional turmoil. They stand by us when we are intolerable and they don’t get a day off.
Babies need everything, and they kind of don’t stop for a long time, and they’re hard, but rewarding, and terrifying…but also really really beautiful? Basically, babies are emotional terrorists.
And…as we grow we keep needing our parents for various things throughout our lives, not the least of which is comfort, and often times, refuge. We shouldn’t take such important things for granted.
I was recently talking to my Dad about being a parent and I expressed to him that it seems like such a hard, thankless, painful experience and that I’m not sure it’s for me. He said, “Sure, it’s hard, and I’ve had some hard times with you kids, but when it’s good there’s no greater feeling.”
While they may not be perfect, generally speaking, most parents are doing their best, and being a parent is such a difficult job. Parents are the products of their own parents, who were mostly doing their best too. But nobody’s perfect, so we’re all sort of juggling our own special brand of dysfunction and inevitably passing some of it along. The best we can do is minimize the negative by being more thoughtfully self-aware.

Parenthood seems like a minefield to me and the world is difficult and it can be cruel. I imagine the idea of it being cruel to your child is especially difficult. Tough parents always have their reasons for being tough and easy-going ones have equally compelling reasons for being laid-back. No matter the parenting style, it usually comes from a place of love, from a place of deep deep love… and a desire to see your child become happy and well-adjusted in a world that can be so unbalanced.
With so many new babies and children in my life now, I feel like I can really appreciate this on more than just an intellectual level. My littlest brother is entering his early teens, which I recall being BRUTAL, so, I think we’re in for at least some surprises.

I can’t imagine the sorrow it is to love a child so much, with literally all of your being, nurture them, give them everything they need, and much of what they want, just to have them treat you like hot Chinatown garbage when they’re 13.
I have a bit of a sense of this now, but maybe you parents out there can tell me how do you deal with this?! Chances are you’ve taken your parents for granted and you’ve been an asshole. Part of this is just being a kid…frontal lobes and all, however, when our frontal lobes mature it’s our job to acknowledge this and to do better.
I do understand that not all of us have positive parental experiences to draw from, and I respect that sometimes parents truly are awful and, at times, make unforgivable mistakes. This reality drives home the point further; parents make a difference and being a parent truly isn’t for everyone. We should not take it as a sign of fate that we should have children simply because we are able or because people expect us to. Parents should be self-selected and, ideally, have some general preparedness for the journey ahead.
But my main thesis here is: most of us would do well to give our parents a deeper thought now and then; to see them as complex individuals, and to ackowledge the sacrifices they’ve made.
So, I get it now… and it’s fucking heartbreaking.
And since you made it to the end, here’s another cute baby picture; you earned it.

