I just came back from a nice trip to South East Asia. I spent a few days in Langkawi followed by a few more in Koh Lipe, a small Thai island. In a nutshell, the trip was great, locations beautiful and food delicious. But another takeaway:

I hate tourists.

Yes, we’re all tourists. And everybody has a right to travel and experience different cultures, different places. I’m not arguing that. But browse any set of reviews on TripAdvisor, read comments and blogs about the places you want to visit, you’ll see different strokes annoying different folks. And I hate to bucket us, but at the end we’re all the problem and maybe in another post, the solution. My main peeves come from the different groups that all mishmash together while traveling — each one getting it right in some ways, and totally wrong in others.

1. The Backpacker

• the Identity: Stays in cheap places, counts every penny, huge backpack, enjoys taking public transportation even if it’s not the cheapest, but also because it’s the cheapest.
• the Problem: Seemingly becoming a commodity. While on the never ending soul search, they all start to look the same. I think it’s ideal to live this way probably until 22-28, but after a point — grow up. And by grow up I don’t mean go work in a cube, but get serious about what you wanna do (travel, write, work, etc..) and do it comfortably. It’s fun to experience life like this and we all have, but up to a point you have to look beyond the horizon. Money isn’t everything but bargainig a taxi driver to save 5 bhat (25 cents) isn’t exactly living the good life either.

2. The Elder Couple

• the Identity: Takes that trip every year. Needs a certain level of accomodation. Relies on trip Adivisor, both as an adult’s lonely planet but also as a need to catalogue the trip (which to be fair, we do benefit from). Toursist with a capital T.
• the Problem: Needs things to be too much like home. Basic comforts and necessities aside, forgets where they’ve decided to travel to. Spending $1,000 a night on a room that’s identical to the chain hotel in your home town, just cause it’s on a nice crowded beach — what’s the point?

3. The Younger Couple

• the Identiy: Really a mix of the previous two. I like to imagine I fall into this bucket, for at least today. Take’s the trip cause it’s going on Facebook, likes to knock off the major checkboxes while not overcomplicating the trip.
• the Problem: Misses out on experiences shared by other groups. Spontaneous travel and accommodation stories, making new friends, can occasionally really just travel for the sake of some privacy. Vacation is really eat, sleep, drink, and use your imagination. And the few checkboxes for those photos. And I’m sure a lot more, welcome to hear your thoughts.

4. The Family

• the Identity: Mandatory family vacation. Experiences for the kids. Something different. Closer to the elder couple with tripAdvisor habits but still trying to be active like the younger couple. God bless them.
• the Problem: We’ll all eventually get here. Crying babies and loud kids in the restaurant. Varying requests for hotel staff. Long queues. As Louis CK says in his special, “Putting my kids and wife in the car..and then walking around the car to get to my door…that was my vacation.”

5. The Douche Troupe

• the Identity: College or early career trip. Tank Tops with the Singha or Chang or Tiger beer logos on them, put on their bags the second they leave the airport. Fun when your single, to a point. The name of the game is alcohol, other fun vices, and chasing after sexual interests. Just like we’ll all hit the family box, at some point we’ve all been in and left this box. Loud to the point the previous four groups complain about their time abroad as a result.
• the Problem: It should be obvious from the first bullet.

In a nutshell, as you traverse through these phases in your time overseas, it’s important to recognize where you end up and avoiding the pitfalls of each. Recognize you’re in a new place, nobody’s home is “perfect” and you take the good with the bad.

See you on the beach with my Beer Leo t-shirt.