“At Eternity’s Gate” 2018 film and how it gave me an Anxiety Attack

As a learning artist, seeing this film made me feel for Vincent Van Gogh in every way. Watching biographical movies about him reminds me of my struggle with self-love, acceptance, and mental health.

I feel his longing for companionship to prove to himself that he matters in some way. I feel his lost of sense for himself whenever people are making their point about how he can’t support himself with his passion and talent. I feel his love for the beauty of the things around and the spontaneity to finish his paintings because it calms him. I feel his wrong sense of judgment and how it always made him different.

Feeling his work and life-story thanks to these films, I myself, had triggering moments that resulted in my mini panic attack and anxiety. But all these are nothing compared to how Vincent Van Gogh still continued to work amidst his lack of sanity.