Don’t withhold what your soul needs

“Just be held.”

If anyone knows me, even a little bit, they know that I am not a physical touch person. I have been doing my best to get into it, but it usually makes me very uncomfortable. Only with the dearest friends and family will I exchange hugs. A hand on the leg, shoulder, or head is a no for me, thank you. I will usually squirm my way out of it or suffer through it if my shaking does not hint to my discomfort.

Being held is an incredibly intimate and oftentimes uncomfortable thing for me. Instead of focusing on the moment at hand, caring for the person I am embracing, or feeling loved, I am usually thinking about how long it will last. What is long enough? What is too short? How are they feeling? What is their time frame? (After reading this you will probably refrain from seeking me out for emotional and physical support, which I would advise).

I am bad at reading other people’s physical needs. I am bad at realizing and admitting my own. The other day as I was leaving school to head home for winter break, a dear friend hugged me goodbye. I had not been hugged in a long time — by choice — but in that moment I realized how meaningful and important it was for my emotional well-being. That seemingly simple and normal hug filled my heart with something that I did not know I was missing.

“ You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held.” — Casting Crowns

I hold onto Logic. Logic is how I make my decisions. I do not rely on emotions or go off of what I am feeling, in most cases. Logic is how I avoided hugs and muted my need for them.

Logic doesn’t always have the answers for your heart. Sometimes what you really need, what your soul needs, what your heat needs, is emotional and cannot be nurtured or “solved” by logic.

What have you told yourself that you are not? What have you told yourself that you do not need? That you can live without? That isn’t “you?” Wrestle with it. Meditate on it. Pray about it.

As we continue through the holiday season, take some time with someone that you care about and seek to connect emotionally, have your soul nurtured, and look to do the same for them.

Just be held.

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