Your Half Self : Finding Balance in Relationships
Have ever felt like a relationship is losing half of yourself but gaining a different self? Half because a healthy relationship is based on compromise. You give up some things, not everything. The idea is Aristotle’s, “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.” Being together is worth compromise. That’s the idea.
Do you worry about that? That with every compromise, you lose a piece of yourself? A piece that only you have, only you could ever have. Over time if you added up all of those pieces and put them back together, who would you have been? Would you even recognize yourself?
Pulling in a completely unrelated idea to make a point, maybe a theory of Gestalt psychology is more appropriate here. It says the whole is other than the sum of its parts — the whole has an independent existence. Other not greater.
You are just as important as the whole of your relationship. You must not so willingly give all of yourself away — you don’t need to be a martyr for your relationship to work. Just because you give in to some things doesn’t mean you give in to everything.
A life with someone you love means something new, something whole. If you respect yourself enough, value yourself enough, care about yourself enough, you won’t—you can’t—completely lose yourself. You stay true to who you are and nurture this life with someone else. Balance. That’s the idea.