Life & Death

Death has always been a thing. Not only a thing but a natural cycle of life, how ironic is that. Without life we can’t have death, without death are we really alive?

Just as anything & everything in this world there’s that balance.

Life & death

Good & evil

There is stigma on all these words yet it’s not so black & white. A lot of the time we tend not to see the gray areas where the balance’s start to blend together. This topic has been heavy on my heart & my mind recently with not only all the deaths we hear of over the media but deaths that hit closer to home. I’m not just talking of physical bodies leaving us for good, I’m also speaking of something more psychological, even spiritual if your mind is eager to hear of a perspective that you may not be familiar with.

Recently, we’ve had a death in the family, my husband’s family to be specific. This is a physical one that has shaken this family tree so hard some of the apples have bruised up badly. No, they have not fallen but have been damaged in a sort of way, as expected. Bruised apples may not heal & make the “perfect” apple again but I bet my heart that you could make a pretty bomb apple pie from them still.

Another death I’ve come to realize is my own.

This is where the more psychological & spiritual part comes in. An incredibly long story short, (which I may write about in a different essay) when I think back to my 15 year old self, I am so proud of her. She came so close to giving herself a physical death but something in her just knew that this couldn’t be the end of her road, this couldn’t be all that she was put on this earth to do. Being a child & having her world flipped upside down, she barely knew how to be “grown”, heck she never wanted to grow up! With the chaos, sadness, anger that was consuming her life now at home, she couldn’t imagine what was waiting for her in the real world. Yet, as she cried in the basement that night ready to end the pain, her little brother & sister were upstairs & somehow that gave her the courage. They gave her the hope to keep going.

I remember thinking to myself, “You really want them to find you like this?! Don’t you want them to know things will be okay? Well you need to know it too.”

I made a decision that night & I didn’t realize it then but a small piece of me died a spiritual death. This was a new beginning, a new way of living, a new mindset.

Pieces of me have continued to die off since then, in replacement of new life, new ways.

I’m 25 years old now sitting in my home with my husband & things are more than okay. I’m more than okay. Of course times are rough but I will always have that reminder to just keep going, knowing that with rock bottoms, there’s only one way & that’s up.