The No self theory

Did anyone ever insulted you so much that you wanted to slap him real hard? Have you ever been humiliated in front of people that made you run and cry?

It happened to all of us. We all have moments like that.

When I was studying abroad I used to live with a roomate who was 2–3 years younger than me. This boy had the habbit of lying for everything to everyone. I caught him so many times lying that I lost every bit of trust that i had for him. Whatever he said i just could not believe it hundred percent. Never!

One day he was trying to fool me in front of friends by saying lies again. I got so pissed off that i slapped him hard. He got out of our house in the street until it got dark and we didnt talk for days.

God, i got so pissed off! How dare he continously lie to me infront of my friends trying to prove me wrong with lies, we all knew his was lying!

Why did i got so pissed off? You probably had done the same. Others more, others less.

But Why did I lay hand on another human being. I had never hit or fought with anyone after my 18 years of age. What made me take this horrile action that i regred so much until today?

Why did I slap my roomate, my friend, my college buddy that we were all day together?

If you asked me back then this question , i would probably answer this. Because he insulted me and thought of me as stupid when he was lying to me about a matter that i knew the truth and he was even doing it in front of other people.

Today, i can explain more deeply why.

He had hurt my self esteem! He attacked my self esteem and I felt like I had to put him in his place. It was not a self defence. It was a “self esteem defence” and our self esteem when is hurt really bad is attacking especially when we feel superior.

When we are being humiliated we want to cry.When we feel useless we feel depressed.When we fail on something we feel sad and useless.When we achieve something we feel confident.When we beat someone we feel superior.When we are being validated we feel good. When people like us we feel important.

See what is happening here? Sometimes We dont control our feelings and our feelings control our actions.

In other words, some of the actions we take are not controlled by us but they are controlled by our self esteem. And yes it goes deeer!

Evern Our self esteem is not contolled by ourselves but by many outside factors.

For example.

Societys standards!

If you are beautiful and all the time you get nice comments about how beautiful you are, you feel better. Thats society standards controlling your emotions and therefore some of your actions.

Another example. Authorities or influencial people.

When a teacher at school calles a student stupid when he answeres a question and the other kids start laughing at him.

From that moment the student will start loosing his self worth and self confidence. Probably he also started changing his actions, maybe he stayed at home the next day, maybe he cried all night, maybe he got afraid of the attention in class after that day so that he do not get humiliated ever again.

All this due to the sense of self being hurt or being validated. There are things like that, that hurt us and they shape our course of actions, our fears and the quality of our lives.

I believe, strongly! that all of us at some point must learn how to break out of that sense of self and start learning how to control it for our own benefit and happiness.

I see it everywhere all the time. it happened.to you and me. I have not seen anyone who is beyond his self yet.

I have read that By destroying the ego and controlling the self esteem one man can become self actualised.

Otherwise we are doomed and not free. We are controlled by others for most of the time of our lives. We live a life of wondering around with only purpose not to hurt our ego and satisfy the hunger of our self esteem.

Thats is not a happy life and I want to control my life 100% as am sure that you want too!

The question is….HOW?

(Thank you for reading, show your support by sharing and recommending the article. Please comment below It will mean the world to me that you share thoughts like mine on this subject).

Best regards Kokoshimself.

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