Farewell

J,

You were broken.

I was curious.

You were looking for someone to fill the void in your heart. Someone you can depend on while you were mending yourself. Someone lonely. Someone like me.

I’ve always wondered what love would feel like. Would it feel like a thousand butterflies escaping in my stomach every time you utter my name? Would it feel like drowning in the middle of the pacific every time you held my hand? Or would it feel like fire burning as I taste your lips and feel your skin touching mine? I was needing. Longing for someone to tell me everything will be alright. Someone who would hold my hand and never make me feel lonely.

But I was scared.

I was terrified of getting left behind by someone I adore. So I built all these walls around me, not letting anyone in. Protecting myself from attachments, going the easy way out.

I was happy to be with you. No strings attached. I was used to hearing your voice, seeing your smile, and you trying to make me laugh.

You wanted more.

I was contented.

And then it happened.


You were whole once more. The broken person I came to know is gone, therefore I was useless. I was just someone you needed when you had no one to cling on to. And so you left.

You moved on.

I was there for you as you were for me. We comforted each other’s desolation, desperate to feel someone’s warmth even for a moment’s time. We clung onto each other like vines to a tree not realizing how pretentious we were. You are not a vine and I am not a tree; we are each other’s parasite restricting one’s growth and killing the good left in one another. How foolish of us to think that even for a split-second, it was love. How could we even confuse love with loneliness??

Regrets.

I have none. Despite all the sleepless nights I had to bear when all my mind could think of was

“Why?”.

Regardless of all the uncertainties and labels I repeated in my head as to why you left me. And even when you uttered

“I found someone else”;

I still loved you, I always will. And not even in a romantic way, but the complex kind of love that will always be there for the one that loved me in the only way he knew.

Love, s

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