Online harassment: Death by 1,000 tweets
I want to tell you about my experiences with online harassment so that you can better understand what it’s like to be on the receiving end of this type of abuse.
The first time I experienced online harassment was in my early 20s following a toxic breakup. For years, I had to show up to court to report no contact order violations and renew restraining orders.
Websites and blogs were made in my name. Photos were taken outside my home and posted online. I received cryptic emails.
I stayed in an entry-level job for far too long because I didn’t want potential employers to Google my name. I avoided any unnecessary need to disclose the harassment to anyone else, especially in a professional setting.
I carried the shame for years.
Not knowing when the harassment would finally end was a terrible feeling. When six months would go by with no contact, I’d assume it was finally over. Then one day a new website or social media account would appear and I’d have to invest time and effort to remove it.
Each tech company has its own rules and policies for dealing with harassment. I’d often have lengthy correspondences with companies to convince them that the content they were hosting was, in fact, harassment. Companies usually removed the information when I submitted an active restraining order as proof, but that wasn’t always the case.
How comfortable would you be disclosing such personal information repeatedly to tech employees for them to remove abusive content? It traumatizes a victim over and over again.
Some companies weren’t as responsive to pages flagged for harassment. A blog remained online and publicly available up until recently. Every time I’d submit a request for its removal, I received a response that more or less said that freedom of speech applied. One time I was told there was no way to prove it was him.
Social media harassment policies often protect the harasser and torture the victim. The abuser gets away with toxic behavior while the victim is overcome with anxiety, grief and embarrassment.
I overcame the shame from my first experience with persistent online harassment thanks to the support I received from friends and colleagues.
I’m ok now. It also helps that he hasn’t posted anything since 2013. I still wonder if one day new attacks will show up when my name is searched on Google.
I finally will have my say. And I can’t wait for everyone in your life to google your name and hear it. When it’s published. You threatened me before (I have that saved too), but this time there is nothing you can threaten me with.
This isn’t a rhetorical question and you don’t have to answer but tell me — how does it feel?
via email, April 8, 2012
Over the years, I’ve experienced other types of online harassment from people who have taken issue with my work and opinions. Social media accounts are made in my name. They are used to publicly post negative comments on my Instagram and Twitter.
If you search my name on Instagram you can see two harassment accounts for yourself. I’ve tried to get removed, but haven’t been successful. In the context of everything I’ve experienced, it’s not that bad.
I’ve helped a lot of people navigate online harassment over the years because it’s what you do when you’ve experienced the abuse firsthand. This is a club that you shouldn’t belong to, but once you’re in it, there’s almost an obligation to help others. Why?
We know the impact and lasting trauma of online harassment. We never want someone to experience it, so we help.
Unfortunately, social media platforms are extremely delayed or unresponsive to online harassment reports. I‘ve found that over the years it’s become more difficult to get content removed. If the company responds to the report or flagged posts, it’s usually a generic email. It will say that the flagged content does not meet the criteria of online harassment.
Victims will experience a new wave of trauma from such a reply.
I recently experienced targeted online harassment and cyberstalking from one individual. She’s obsessive. She posts screenshots of my social media posts which she’s marked up with yellow highlighter and red pen. She posts weekly — sometimes daily.
Harassment is defined as unwelcome conduct of a verbal, nonverbal or physical nature that is sufficiently severe or pervasive to create a work or academic environment that a reasonable person would consider intimidating, hostile or abusive and that adversely affects an individual’s educational, work, or living environment.
Examples of possibly harassing conduct: Public and personal tirades; deliberate and repeated humiliation; deliberate interference with the life or work of another person.
9.4 MIT Harassment Policy
For a while, I monitored the situation, kept a record of her activity, and continued to use social media as if everything was ok. I may have eluded to the ongoing harassment, but I never really described to my followers the impact it was having on me. That was up until recently when I removed myself from social media. I had hoped that she would stop posting if I she no longer had access to my content. It did not work.
Saying my tweets caused her to leave is false. -USN
Before departing social media, I made three requests for her to stop. She gaslit. She avoided accountability and instead explained how her activity was not cyberstalking and harassment. Her friends supported her, too.
Can you define stalking? -USN
Stalking, whether or not sexual in nature, is prohibited by MIT. Stalking is defined as engaging in a course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to fear for their safety or the safety of others, or to suffer substantial emotional distress.
9.4.2 MIT Stalking definition
I cracked when someone I had previously blocked referred to my content as “racist lite.” He said that POC were watching me. They would hold me accountable for any perceived racist social media posts. I left because of this and also because medical students reached out and were puzzled by the claims.
So no, I will not let a topic go that I cared about years before and will care about after. -USN
I became very good at summarizing the reason why my harasser, a pediatrician, a decade my senior, is obsessed. I’m tired of explaining to people that she takes my content, weaponizes it, and assigns my tweets a new narrative.
This is racism -USN
I left Twitter on June 3rd because I’m not sure she’ll ever stop. I left because I need to come to terms with this reality and build up the strength to not let it impact me anymore. Until I get to that point, I won’t return to social media.
It’s the persistency and cumulative effect that is so awful. That’s why this recent experience of online harassment and cyberstalking is character assassination and death by 1,000 tweets.
The conclusion that somebody canceled somebody else is assumed. -USN
This decision to deactivate my accounts has real consequences. I get most of my consulting work through social media activity where I openly provide tips and guidance to medical professionals, scientists and academics who are looking to improve their online presence, science communication, or social media activity. I’m frequently asked to present in keynotes, conduct workshops, and consult over Zoom. I was hitting my stride up until I abruptly left social media.
I do NOT accept limitations or boundaries cuz I have important things to say with experiences others in the room lack. -USN
Online harassment and cyberstalking have offline impact. It’s awful. Because I’ve gone through this before, I know what to expect and how to manage the emotional process. In a way, previous experiences make it easier to cope, but knowing each phase to recovery does not make any of the psychological work less difficult.
Am always pushing boundaries, though. Let’s see how much is humanly possible in one year. -USN
I’ll describe it so that you know what to do should the day arrive when you are the target of severe online harassment or should you need to provide support to a victim.
First and foremost, you have to accept the impact it is having on you. Here’s how it feels when online harassment and cyberstalking finally get under your skin:
- Isolated
- Powerless
- Alone
- Detached
- Angry
- Anxious
- Sad
- Misunderstood
- Hopeless
- Embarrassed
- Obsessed
I hit my low point yesterday, but pushed through it by proactively contacting people about my experience. I reached out to everyone I knew who has experienced severe online harassment. Every single person made themselves available to discuss it over the phone or FaceTime. That’s because survivors of online harassment are members of the same club. We all know the drill and want to help someone through the low points. That’s why when people who are experiencing targeted online harassment reach out for help, I give them my time and advice.
In full transparency, after Sara Mojarad blocked me +did same to 2 black nurses rather than hear about #implicitbias, I went straight to the Dean of her university/employer
In Medicaid, I disciplined MDs/RNs for her behavior
How is she trusted to teach?
=dangerous miseducation -USN
I informed my employer about this situation. They have been supportive, sympathetic, and quick to provide resources.
Telling everyone my story was the best decision because people who have firsthand experience with online harassment know how to provide advice and offer support. They know to reach out because there’s a tendency to isolate. They monitor what’s being said on social media and intervene when necessary. In doing so, they’ve risked becoming her new target of online harassment. They do it to defend my reputation while I am feeling down. I’m eternally grateful for the help.
People are calling, texting, and reaching out over social media. I’m in a group text with two other people who recently experienced online harassment. They provide round the clock support.
Everyone in the club returns the favor.
A good support network will know that you need to maintain a sense of control. They will provide advice and ask the right questions. They will know not to minimize the experience because they have been exactly where you are. I’ve found it easier to text rather than have calls. Everything is still so raw.
Time feels like it stops when experiencing severe online harassment. You become consumed with knowing what’s being said about you. On the worst days, you may check social media hundreds of times per day. You can’t sleep knowing there’s someone out there who hates you.
How can one person dedicate so much time and effort towards trying to destroy you?
I haven’t had a full night’s rest in months, and I wake up a few times per night to check her activity. My harasser frequently publishes posts about me at all hours.
I won’t go silent. -USN
She has caused incredible harm. She is fully aware of the impact her obsession and cruelty is having on me, but she refuses to acknowledge it.
The last few months, I haven’t been as productive at work as I would like. The stress and lack of sleep cause memory problems. This is normal and to be expected, but the fallout has impacted my professional reputation.
I’ve taken a leave of absence to focus on my recovery. I hope people will be sympathetic when I return.
I want bystanders to know that when a target of online harassment shares their story with you, it’s a cry for help. They need support.
Please help them find resources and people who can help. Remember this is a club. Most members are willing to provide support to anyone who is in need.
So this is my story. Now you know it.
Please keep these words in mind the next time someone tells you they are experiencing online harassment.
Friday, October 23 update: I left Twitter twice since posting this article. The cyberstalking, obsession and harassment continues.
While the rest of the world is concerned with more important events, my stalker is fully committed to monitoring my activity and saving a record of it. She’s even screenshotted this article and obsesses every sentence in it. She frequently posts links to this article. The irony, of course, is that it’s monetized. I receive a few cents for all the clicks and time spent reading this page.
On Sunday, she tagged my name and employer in two tweets. Yesterday, she did it again — seven times.
I will continue to update this article as long as it is necessary.
April 7, 2021 update: Next week, it will be a year since the harassment started. Her stalking, harassment and obsession continues. Arguably, it’s getting worse.
She has tagged me in over 650 tweets. She continues to try to ruin my reputation and livelihood — online and offline. In her most disgraceful behavior to date, she tracked down my family.
That is who she is. That is the person she chooses to be. That is who she wakes up to every morning.
In contrast, this is me. I am still here. I am still smiling.
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