Thank you so much, very eye-opening indeed… I am in fact going through my own transition at this very moment. And from my perspective, I was confusing my need for “feedback” — which is how we improve — with my wiring for “approval” —which is something I know I am often incapable of affecting if I am honestly my self.
I’ve recently been labeled ASD, at 34, but ironically, people near to me only cared on how that reflects on new odd behaviour, while I was hoping they would be able to see the suffering of their error of judgement on all those years I was trying to meet the typical bar. Blame and judgement unraveling onto a publically simulated existance. And the dismissal of all true potential, viewed as undesired or accidental, and only indulged in my seclusion.
I broke free from all of that this year, through a subconscious defragmentation of my own recollection of all my previous years, this time I was seeking approval only of my own consciousness. That I approved of how much I was able to grow relative to the mostly unintentional feedback component (that I was subconsciously filtering as useful from all the biased and noisy sentiments) of usual disapproval of my actions by others.
I realize now how my being honest even when it was painful is credit to how the mind works on so many levels. How blunt truth often led to disapproval, desperate as I was to find approval, because “it” needed useful feedback regardless of the price I had to pay — and that is the only way it got it, without preoccupying it with retaining the lies of more socially conforming appeal.
I hope you like reading (and giving feedback on) one of my first efforts to publish (private for now) — https://medium.com/@saleh_34940/the-fool-within-a7006da6addc
Thanks
